the sandpaper analogy

In my tool belt I carry the array of tools that I use most often throughout the work day.  I’m a carpenter now - each day cutting, bending, fastening and yes, sanding to get each project one step closer to completion.

When I look down, there is always at least one piece of sandpaper in the side pocket of that belt.  One of the most underrated and useful tools I wield.  And I’ve reflected on the significance of sandpaper in relationships a lot recently.  Here’s part of a text I sent about a year ago to a friend…

“We don’t change the core of who we are. When someone comes along that we decide to spend time with, we should be like sandpaper. They meet us where we are; they help to smooth out certain parts and we help smooth out parts of them as well. Not changing totally, but refining each other.

It’s taking the ‘iron sharpens iron’ verse* from the Bible and putting it in an example that most people can understand. I didn’t make it up, but I have been refining it for a while now.

The end result is two people who know how to hit the rough areas, work on refining, growing, and smoothing out each other to be vessels of use in the relationship and for God.”

I feel that this is what is missing in many relationships - friendships, family dynamics, work relationships.  When we’re truly working with someone in relation, we come beside them, striving to make each other better.  Some days we help guide them, others they lead us and help shape us, but we do this together.  Each day I go to work with one young man who does that better than just about anyone I’ve ever witnessed it in.  He pushes me and helps me grow each and every day.

I know I haven’t always been that.  Especially in love-centered relationships, I’ve gone in gung-ho and tried to save, shed my skin and attempted to be someone I wasn’t. I’ve coerced with my strong opinions and personality and I’ve shriveled when wounded by aggression from a partner.

Tonight I’m sitting here just before midnight alone.  I spend a lot of time like this, and it’s actually not bad.  God is always here.  I have people I can reach out to and surround myself with when it’s the right time.  But I’ve been praying.  Like deep, guttural, ugly prayers to God.  For him to place a person in my life to commune with.  After over a year of just getting healthy, I’ve asked him to open that door.  To let someone who wants to do this life together come in.

I trust God.  And he’s talked about how we were meant to be in relation with him and also in relation to one other.  There is a significance in the person who is willing to pray with, hold your hand, share the strengths and the sadness that life presents.  I do not take those verses lightly.  Nor the heroic stories of Ruth, Abigail, Mary - strong women who served God and also had a commitment to a man of God.

So there.  It’s live, on this blog.  That’s what I’m asking for.  And I will wait on him.  The best this impatient, selfish-at-times man can.

~ Peace

The Burtle

* Proverbs 27:17 - "As iron sharpens irons, so one person sharpens another"