Broken and Restored

We are broken.

Most of us have gone through enough life to realize that a journey without pain or an amount of suffering isn’t reality.

We hurt.  We bleed.  We get sick.  We see our dreams fall apart. We succumb to our sins.  We crawl on our bellies and sometimes we even get to that dark place where we feel like life isn’t worth living.

And let me be VERY real here for a moment. Those who face the thought of death, suicide, self-harm are hurting souls.  Be gentle, kind - even if it’s while you want to shake them to salvation.  It doesn’t work to yell and scream.  But you can hold them, love them and PRAY that they will be broken… and restored.

The wonderful thing about this journey, with its myriad ups and downs is that we have the ability to grow, to learn, to overcome (gonna get to this in a bit).

Most successful businesses have gone through many iterations of failure before they find that secret sauce that works. Dave Ramsey is clear about the many times he failed before he figured out how to make his empire what it is.  And he tells of how his journey has gone through changes even in his success.

But for those on the brink of failing, how do we find restoration - healing - LIFE?

By doing just that.  Failing.

Failing in our thoughts of self sufficiency. Failing to walk away from the addiction. Failing to will our kids to a faith in something bigger. Failing in our hopes to keep our relationships from hurts.

Failing, falling and maybe, hopefully looking up.

Finding something that answers all those questions in our hearts, our minds, our spirits.

The path to restoration differs from person to person.  Just like each of us has our own idiosyncrasies that make us unique, your road to healing may take 10,000 turns or it may take a single light along the path.

My own came at a cost that I thought was insurmountable, yet the healing came - starting in finding that everything had to change.  A radical shift was the only way to finally get my attention and make me succumb to a greater journey than I could have ever known.

Maybe yours is as simple as putting your knees on the ground and letting your broken heart be touched by God.

Maybe you need to take a turn and move away from the relationships or activities that keep you stuck in the hurt.

I don’t know your story, but I know a way to peace.  To hope.

To life.

And I’ll tell you - it’s beyond anything I could have imagined.

There are still hurts.  My body still aches as does my spirit.  But each day I can see the light and all the little gifts along the way that make my heart sing.

Joy out of sorrow.

Every single day.

~ Peace 

The Burtle

“I lift up my eyes to the mountains— where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip— he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The Lord watches over you— the Lord is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. The Lord will keep you from all harm— he will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.”

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Psalms‬ ‭121‬:‭1‬-‭8‬ ‭NIV‬‬

“For Our Battle…”

The Lie

“I’ve Got This.”

It’s a simple statement that I know I’ve said many, many times. “I’ve got this. I can do this on my own. I don’t need help.”

It echoes with other statements… “I don’t have a problem. I can handle this. I can stop anytime. I can control this.”

I don’t control this life. I barely control my own existence. Thankfully I do know how to take a shower, how to brush my teeth and get presentable enough to walk out the door and do a job. But I didn’t. For a very long time. Oh I knew how to keep jobs, but I also knew that there was an end in sight. The longest job I ever had was eight years at a company with a manager that was very kind and very willing to let me do the good things I was capable of and try to help me walk through the harder ones that I couldn’t. Like staying out of trouble.

So the lie exists to kill us. Maybe not physically, but it does exist to bring us down to our knees, to our bellies, to put us in a place where we are so dependent upon a person, a substance, a bottle, a righteous or religious belief* that we can’t see the truth. Because you can get lost in a person, you can get lost in a bottle and you can get lost in your beliefs if they are misguiding, leading you to down a path of destruction.  

And I’m not talking about jumping off the cliff yet, that can come, but what it does do is lead you to being isolated, alone, angry, sad, depressed, anxious, all the fucking things! It’s an existence that doesn’t give any TRUE joy, and the little bit of happiness is fleeting and usually at the expense of others or ourselves. 

The lie presses us, it crushes us, and it brings us down, ultimately ending in sickness, exile, ridicule, shame. And honestly, I think living in shame, whether it’s veiled or out in the open is a whole lot harder than death. Because you’re not gonna care when you’re dead, but you know the shame. It wants to keep you just alive enough to torture and break us down from the inside out…

‘For our battle is not flesh and blood…’ I agree with this - soooo much!  It’s those things that eat at our spirit that are working against the light. We’re not fighting a person standing in front of us, again that would be easier than fighting the internal voices that come that are lying to us, fighting the truth. 

We can even find ourselves fighting those closest to us if they don’t understand or agree with us. Hell, sometimes it’s just fighting for fighting. Don’t you think that the dark forces, and I do believe there are dark forces out there, love the fact that we’re not at peace. Because if we’re not at peace, we start looking for answers, and instead of looking to the places full of hope and sustenance, we often look to sharing a bed, emptying a bottle, injecting something into our arms, all of the things.

It isn’t so much facing a lie as it is facing the truth. The truth will set you free… But it will also put you on your knees. And personally, being a man and being raised in a way where males are supposed to be tough, able to face things and not bow down and not be emotional, it’s a fucking lie to think that you can do this on your own. And I’m not just talking about your buddies you go drinking with. Yes you’ve got those, but I’m talking about being open and honest with one person, then maybe two, Then maybe you’ll have three or four.

There are currently four people in my life that I would trust with anything (there’s a fifth that’s starting to be trusted more and more that scares me a little bit, but not in a bad way. Just it’s so new and so beautifully vulnerable.) But it started with trusting one person who has been there since day one for me in terms of trying to face the truth. Then it became two. And when I start isolating, I still think at times that I shouldn’t share everything because ‘they don’t wanna hear it’, ‘I can handle this’. OR maybe I know they’re gonna tell me more truth that I don’t want to hear. But regardless, it took getting to a point to where everything was taken away before I realized that I needed others, including something spiritual to make it through the days.

The lie tells us that we can do this on our own. Can you? Honestly, can you do this on your own? I can’t. Ask my daughter. Ask her what it looked like to watch her father try to destroy himself from the inside out. Cause I wasn’t just fighting myself, I was also fighting those things that resonate within a very sick mind. And I was sick.

The lie will kill you.  Slowly, terribly, in the worst possible way.  Eventually separating you from those that love you, from help, separating you from a life that does include hardship, but also leads down a path to peace.

Does this sound familiar to you? Any of it? 

I know some answers that might help. I also know that it’s damn hard. But it’s worth it. 

I promise you it’s worth it. 

Face the truth. Dispel the lie.

One day at a time.

~ Peace

The Burtle

*faith and religion are not the same.  Anything that leads us away from a truth that resonates peace, love, something greater, can bring us into shame.

“But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be of God and not from ourselves; we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal.”

2 Corinthians‬ ‭4‬:‭7‬-‭9‬, ‭16‬-‭18‬ ‭NASB1995‬‬

“For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places.”

Ephesians‬ ‭6‬:‭12‬ ‭NASB1995‬‬

Wet socks

Man, it rained hard yesterday.  Beautiful pounding rain that seemed to almost move the building where I sat, safe and secure. When it was over, I emerged with the sun steaming the puddles creating humid clouds out of the dryness.

What if I had stepped into one of those remaining puddles and got the one thing that I hate the most when out and about - a wet sock?

I used to be a more avid hiker than recently.  Loved being out in the woods in just about any season and I’ll tell you, I can be drenched all over from rain, sweat, even snow, but once that right foot was wet, my attitude and the complexion of the hike changed drastically. And it always seemed to start with the right foot!

Here’s the thing, even me, who typically brought extra socks was pretty much done mentally when that foot was wet inside my boots.  Because there’s not an easy solution ahead.  The sock is wet, the boot is wet and probably not going to be dry for a long while.

Even in the city, once you get caught in a rainstorm and it just comes down, you’re probably going to deal with the same issue.  A wet sock in a wet shoe.

And with this comes the choice…

Do I let this one crappy thing ruin my day?  Do I shut down, gripe, whine, want to go home? 

Or do I thank God for the sock? A reminder that life isn’t always going to be as warm and comfy as a good pair of merino wool socks. Yes, I want good socks! They do make a difference.

The funny thing is we often live our life’s as if we are wearing that sock.

Two things come to mind.

1.Life isn’t always going to be dry, comfy, secure as we want it to be.

2.Sometimes the things that wet our socks are reminders, often puddles we step in regularly that keep us mired in crappy thinking or even actions.

So a wet sock isn’t the end.  Maybe there’s joy in knowing that you’re not alone. Most everyone has one at times.

And if it’s one of those habits that has you wrapped up that you can’t get away from, maybe it’s time to take off both socks, and jump in the water.  Instead of letting the world or darkness take away the joy - just jump into a different pool.  One that brings life and healing 

~ Peace

The Burtle

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

James‬ ‭1‬:‭2‬-‭4‬ ‭NIV‬‬

“Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”

2 Corinthians‬ ‭12‬:‭7‬-‭9‬ ‭NIV‬‬