the Misfits

I’m proud to be a misfit. 

I’ll own it and wear it and even put a bow on it (if needed!).  Maybe a T-shirt with a logo.

Because this is who I am.  I have stuff, I know I have stuff and I get to own my sh*t, I mean stuff!

Most of us misfits do.

I want to be the anomaly I am.  The dichotomy of all the things that make me the unique person I’ve been and I’ve become.

And wouldn’t life be boring if we were all the same cookie cutter human beings that has so long been the goal… No longer, not here - not me. I’m sure there are some of you who still want that. And good for you. If that’s who you are, claim it and go after it. But me, my life has been unconventional. That’s a very light way of putting it. And in my 5th decade I realize that it’s good. I’m glad that I haven’t had the same path I thought I would be on. Makes for a much better documentary when I finally expire lol

Own your self. 

That may sound like an odd statement, but I simply mean find out who you are. And when you do find out, own it. 

I sat with a jewish couple yesterday at their house and the gentleman had this wonderful collection of cowboy hats. I asked him about them. He said he just liked hats. He put one on, showing me his ‘dressing in a suit’ cowboy hat, a beautiful black Stetson. Then he showed me his every day fedora. And then his white, beautifully woven hat with a feather tucked in the band.

He knew who he was. I told him I have a Tilly, a similar type hat, more for outdoors and hiking that I keep in my truck for when I get on the trails. I told him I wasn’t quite that comfortable wearing it anywhere else yet. His wife looked at me and said, ‘you get to decide that. Don’t let others make you feel uncomfortable. Own it.’

I thought about that the entire drive home last night. A 6+ hour nightmare of a drive from Savannah to Atlanta in the pouring rain (And this was before the hurricane that’s supposed to be coming in this evening).  It was a lot to chew on. And I realized it was good. We need people to spark our thoughts and help push us into new directions. Doesn’t mean we have to change everything, but it might just open up a new thought or path for us.

It also may help us realize that the misfits that we are, well they are pretty damn beautiful. And that instead of hiding them, I personally need to embrace it. And I’m so thankful I get to.

So, I get to decide. 

Which part of the unicorn am I going to be today? 

All of it. 

That’s who I am :-) 

~ Peace

The Burtle

What’s Your Superpower?

Michael Keaton. Comedic actor that had a couple of big hits in the mid to late 1980s. Mr. Mom, Night Shift and of course Beetlejuice… Beetlejuice Beetlejuice lol. 

And then it was announced that he was going to star in a new movie. An action movie. Michael Keaton was going to be Batman. 

Say what?! 

Michael Keaton could never be Batman. This is a comedy guy. This is someone who made his bones as a standup comedian then as a lovable energetic goofball. 

Batman? 

I remember going to the Thursday night… actually 12 AM Friday morning screening of Batman when it first was coming out. It was a packed. And whether it failed or succeeded, it created quite a buzz. Finally, there was a Batman movie. The last big superhero was Superman and Christopher Reeve owned that part (still does almost 50 years later).

I sat and watched. I was mesmerized. 

Michael Keaton absolutely WAS Batman. 

There was a hidden darkness and also intensity that had been part of his comedy but now through the black cloak and mask it was near perfect. The dark knight was menacing, almost smiling as he pummeled criminals. His Bruce Wayne was complicated and a little unnerving.

Who would’ve ever known? 

Sometime heroes are unlikely. 

I won’t go into my Batman rankings, though I will tell you, Ben Affleck is pretty damn low on the list… Christian Bale.  Definitely a close second overall.

Each of us has a superpower. I truly believe that. I know people who can kill you with kindness, and those who make you feel so beautiful with just the right word or tone.

I know two kids who have shown strength and resilience greater than the strongest people I’ve ever met. They’ve been through hell and they are still here.

I’ve seen others that have accomplished physical feats that marvel me - like the G.O.A.T. who took Atlanta to task at the Super Bowl several years ago. Still pissed about that one.  Brady could unretire today and probably put a team on his back and win (hmm, Atlanta.  Guess you missed on that one).

My own superpower, I don’t go away. I come back. Call me resilient man. And you may not agree with that, but I get to pick my own superpower, like the kids in the playground years and years ago.

I Fucking show up.

Even sometimes when I shouldn’t. But that is part of being resilient. You make mistakes, but you still bounce back.

And you’ve got a superpower too.

What is it?

Are you able to bring peace into a hostile situation with just your presence and a few calming words?

Do you have the power to stand in the gap for people who just can’t stand for themselves? Are you the leader who helps change the world to make things better? Do you have the power of listening? I’m working on that one.

Not everyone’s is the same. If all the superheroes  in the Justice League had the same power it would get pretty damn boring. And they probably would be a fight over who was the best. AND NO ONE WOULD WIN CAUSE THEY ARE ALL THE SAME - kinda like how well Stormtroopers hit their targets.

I don’t think Batman could take Superman in a fair fight, but I have a feeling he would have some kryptonite up his sleeve. And Wonder Woman - She could probably kick both their butts.

What I’m really trying to get at is that we have the ability to reach inside ourselves and find a power that is greater than ourselves. And in my own beliefs, I believe that God will lead you to that power. It’s really him, I just get to use a little bit of it while I’m here. Kind of like the Greatest American Hero put on that ugly red suit and tried to help others while still not understanding exactly how it all worked.

Again…

What’s your superpower?

Oh, and what color cape?

 ~ Peace

The Burtle

And about capes…

https://youtu.be/JSfG3slODnM?feature=shared

Above the Bellowing Crowd

There is a cacophony of voices.

“Turn left!”

“Go right!”

“This is the way!”

“No, this way!”

What are we really listening for? What does your heart tell you? 

I have my opinions, and I’ll share some of them. Politically, honestly, I think we’re all fucked! 

Who is the loudest, who can make the biggest point, who can steer you the furthest away from the other side? I don’t know. Doesn’t seem like love and kindness to me. 

It seems like chaos. 

I want you to have your opinions. I definitely have mine, even if they do seem radical and pretty crazy lol 

But when did we start letting the crowd, the horde, the mob run us into insanity? I think I remember a crowd of worked up individuals, marching a man up a hill to die on a cross…

Because it seems like insanity. Politically, I’ve taken this week to listen to both sides. It seemed like a pretty important week to do that. But I didn’t immerse myself simply on one side. I took time to listen to both side’s sources. Something I don’t often do. And I realized that both of them seemed to be beating a message into my mind that didn’t make sense.

I stopped listening.

Because it just became noise. 

I’m not saying rhat there aren’t valid points to the arguments.  I’m simply stating that you will NEVER sway me with yelling Rhetoric. Abusing both sides. Making it a fight about personalities and not principles.

The best discussions I’ve had in the past about this have been just that, discussions.  No yelling, no name calling.  Simply talking.  Maybe not totally understanding, but to listen.  For both of us to be heard.

One of my dearest friends and I had a pretty heated discussion about this a few years ago. And then at some point during the conversation I realized that the relationship with this human was much more important than red or blue. Because he’s my brother - at least he’s been a brother to me. 

I will listen.  Promise, I’ll try.

If anyone wants to have a conversation about this with me, I will do everything I can to calmly listen and try to understand. And I hope that you will do the same for me. Listen to what I believe. 

I’m not trying to change you. But I would like to hear you. 

Above the bellowing crowd.

~ Peace

The Burtle

The Teacher

The teacher sits 

front of the room

his mind already at the task

Students file in

They take their seat

They begin to ask

“Teacher, why?

How did this…?

Who won the Peloponnesian war?

When did we integrate?

What started Civil Rights?”

He lets them open the door…

And the teacher smiles 

seeing the mind of a child

The class moves on

And then the years

The teacher wonders where he’s at

He still has so much

to give away

If only someone would ask

“Teacher, if?

Tell us just how…”

His passion to give

never fades

Body fighting

‘His disease’

An ailment deep within

Instead of laying down

Burying his soul

He finds he’s teaching again

“How do I move?”

Brain’s still awake,

“So much left to do”

He learns to say…

“I’m fighting

And I’m still growing

Today.”

The teacher sits

across from me now

Does he know 

how much I’ve learned 

From his words,

But more his heart

Maybe he’ll discern…

Teacher, teach

My friend, we all learn.

07/28/24

clc

Thank you, Richie.

~ Peace

The Burtle

Miles Apart

I’m not sure if anyone knows how much I truly miss my son.

Just to be clear, I have three kids. I love each of them. And each differently.  But this is about little man.

While I don’t know how much my older two remember about when they were super young, I know that I missed big chunks of time living a couple hours down the road from them. And it was hard. It was like there were two different lives going on at the same time - sometimes they converged and sometimes they didn’t. 

Both of them are in their 20s now and I’m thankful that they’re both close by and I get pretty frequent snapshots of what’s going on with them, either in person or through phone calls and texts. Sometimes of big ass tattoos that have mysteriously appeared on my daughter’s body!

On the other hand, I choose not to say too much about how I feel about little man, the distance. The disconnect.

I talk to him every day. And we get to have conversations on FaceTime about Legos and movies and Chris Pratt (who he adores) and the adventures that he’s going on out on the West Coast. 

I love to hear about his life. 

And I fucking miss him. 

Every. Single. Day. 

I choose not to wallow in it regularly, but tonight I’m wallowing. I’m sad and emotional about it. Torn up actually. 

Does he know how important he is? I don’t know. And I won’t swim in that sea. I’ll just drown there if I do that. What I can do is keep communicating. Send him a book every once in a while, make sure I remember the important things in his world. Not so much the important things in mine (he’s 9 - he’s living his life).  I get to be a part, even if I’m often times apart..

Just over a month ago I got to be part of his crossover ceremony into Weblos. That’s his next scout rank. I’m so thankful he has that organization, even though it’s changed quite a bit from what I remember… And the group of kids that he’s becomes super close to, including their families. I feel like it’s a good, safe place for him.

But it doesn’t replace the fact that there’s 2500 miles between us. And it doesn’t replace the fact that tonight, tearfully, I’m going to bed, knowing that it will be another couple of months before I see him. 

I feel like a failure as a dad most days, but days like today, when I’ve already been fighting something all week physically, it’s just shit. 

The question I have been asked most often by people I meet when learning about where he lives:

“Isn’t that hard?”

You have no idea.

I’ll say a little prayer for him, my other kids. They are ALL so important to me. I hope the other two know that I hold as much love for them.

And I’ll pray for all those close to me.

And wish upon a star (if I’m even up late enough to see the stars) and hope…

~ Peace

The Burtle 

Hope

I got triggered tonight at a meeting. Wasn’t expecting it and I wasn’t in a bad place, but it was definitely a slap in the face type reminder of the reality of life without hope.

Of the past.

It’s such an easy word to overlook. Hope. But yet it can center our beings to believing there might be something more, there might be something worth pushing through the hard, waiting for the miracle or just waiting for someone to say “hey, do you need to talk?”

What triggered me tonight was the memory of a time when I had no hope. Not even a sliver. I was cursing life, cursing those around me and cursing God. Also, I wasn’t taking responsibility for my own actions, but instead making my drama unfold in front of the world like an actor who just has to be the star of every scene.

And I was dangerous. Not to anyone else, but to myself.

You can’t see hope. You can’t bottle it. You can’t order it on Amazon and you damn well can’t produce it from a dry well.  I had nothing inside me that saw Hope.  I was pretty pathetic in that time actually.

Thankfully, that’s not the present. What I have now is an understanding that I’m not alone. Those hopeless feelings are never gone, but they are remedied daily by a good dose of prayer, people, and hell, just breathing and taking in the world around me.

I can see the beauty. I stop and take a lot of pictures of flowers, birds (when I can catch them), honeybees, butterflies, mountains… You name it, it’s important to me. Because those subtle reminders help me see that life continues on.  That I can breathe - and yes, I have to remind myself as well. (I know there are some of you that think I need to stop saying that damn word to you all the time!!).

Hope also stems from finding something that I truly believe in that is much bigger than myself. God. My higher power loves me and guides me.  Even when I’m drifting around like I feel like I’ve been recently, I know that God is always there.

And once or twice a day I also have a group of crazy, caring human beings that love me and show me that I’m important.  That I belong.

Rainy days, Mondays, sad days, days when the air conditioner goes out and it’s 85° in the house (that was this last weekend), all are easier to manage with a little hope. 

Like I said before, I can’t tell you how to find it. I just think it’s there ready for us when we’re ready. When we’re truly open to it. 

When we’re willing.

One step at a time. 

~ Peace

The Burtle

Another Man’s Shoes

“Everyone's got their own set of troubles

Everyone's got their own set of blues

Everyone's got their own set of struggles

Walk a mile in another man's shoes”

~ Drew Holcomb

Do we ever really know what’s going on in the mind and hearts of those around us?  Is there heartache, loss, fear, solace, happy anticipation, giddiness?

Is that kid that continually kicks the soccer ball next door going inside at dusk to an empty pantry and an empty stomach? What about the couple that are fighting - both disillusionment and each other as their 9 month old just won’t sleep for more than an hour or so through the night?

How do we ever know what’s going on around us if we keep the visors on, our heads down, burying ourselves in our own troubles? It’s so incredibly easy to not engage. Me personally, I know that I can stop and talk to someone on the street, but that doesn’t mean I truly open up to what they are dealing with. And a lot of times I just don’t want to.

Love your neighbor. 

But do we even know our neighbors? 

I’ve been living on this side of Atlanta for about 10 months now. And I’ve walked this area pretty intensely. On my good weeks I walk several miles a day, watching and taking in everything around me. I can tell you what cars park at certain houses, I know where some of the kids that roam the neighborhood live or at least where they congregate when they’re about to get into trouble. And I know where the pretty rose garden is in front of that small house on the main strip. 

But I don’t really know the people. And this is my community. 

And then I have my other community - the groups that I attend that are so vulnerable and raw, so real. And even there it’s easy not to open up and get to know anyone past what they share when we’re all gathered.  But there comes a choice.

Do we really want to know? 

Do we want to know and do we want to walk a mile in another person‘s shoes? Do we want to take up their story and add it to our own, and do we want to invite them to be part of our lives? 

Selfishly, I often don’t. But I know I need community. There is something about being vulnerable that is scary as hell but it’s also honest, and when you find people who you can start to trust, you realize you’re not alone. And beyond that big dude upstairs (if you subscribe to that version of a ‘higher power, infinite being, spirit of the universe’), we need more people on our side down here :-) 

So maybe it’s time to open up just a little bit more. I’m not saying drop all your boundaries and throw yourself to the mighty winds of the universe. But I do think it’s important for me that I try to be open. Try to be available when I can. And try to get to know some of the people that are in my neighborhood.

My community.

~ Peace

The Burtle

Listen to this!!