4

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. Courage to change the things I can. And the wisdom to know the difference”

I’ve heard and said that prayer easily over 1000 times now. Simple guidance toward peace.

Tomorrow is four years. If you know me, you know what that means. And I’m very, very thankful. There are so many verses in scripture that describe getting out of the muck and the mire, or him lifting you and putting you on a rock, all those things…  Quite simply, He saved my ass. And my soul!

If you asked me four years ago what was important, I think the list would look so much different than it does today.  No, I know it would. 

The list today:

Safety, security, serenity, hell, even sanity! 

Before then I had none of those. Everything was a mess. Every day. 

I was a mess.

And honestly, I’m still a mess… Ask my sponsor (bless his heart!), my adopted mom, ask those who really know me. But it’s a fun mess… One that actually cares about what’s coming next and wants to do the best he can in this life. For me… Not for anyone else. 

I’m so blessed to be here breathing!!

I still have struggles, and I still have a whole lot of just ‘life’. I’m going to be working on that for the rest of my life. This last weekend has been no exception to that. Highs and lows that are part of this journey. Some moments of true joy and also a moment when I cried my eyes out to my sponsor on the phone.

I’m thankful I get to do that! Work on me and try to be loving and kind of those around me. AND to be loving and kind to myself. That took a long time to understand! (Still a struggle if I’m honest)

So if you know me, thank you for being part of this. Because I COULD NOT DO THIS without all of you. I thought about doing a list of everyone who’s been a part, but it’s just a mountain of people that God has placed in my path.

Thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you!

For being part of this journey…

One day at a time.

~ Peace

The Burtle

Hero

I’ve probably spent too much time in my past reading, studying and thinking about the Hero’s Journey. Something Joseph Campbell put together in his books about society and culture from history, myths to science fiction to real life. There’s a hero’s journey that most of us go on, some more epic than others, but there is this quest that takes us through our darkest parts into the light. Luke Skywalker, Jesus, Moses, and so many of the fables from our past. Most action and adventure movies have a version of this (think Thor in Avengers:Endgame)

I know I’ve written blogs before about my own journey, but that isn’t my focus right now. The truth is, sometimes our Hero is that person who’s just there all the time.

My nine-year-old son was asked to write a 5 to 6 sentence paragraph to explain who his hero was. I was excited when he told me that was the topic for the week. 

“Who did you write about?”

“I chose my mom.”

And for a fleeting moment my heart sunk. I think every father wants to think their son considers them their hero.

It hurt. Really hurt.

But the truth? He picked the right person. I’m not her biggest fan, but if I look at the situation from outside of my own emotions, even with all of our past, which there’s a lot, she has been the constant in his life, and I thank her for being a good mom.

I could easily be bitter, and of course I’m a little hurt. But I’m thankful to have the relationship I do have with him. Because four years ago I squandered that away. I didn’t care. About him or about myself. About anything.

Every day I thank God for my kids, this life, my sobriety. Yes, I’m sober (4 years in 7 days). And it gave me back time with my kids that I would not have had otherwise. My hero gave…

As for my 9 year old - 

He Didn’t pick me. 

But I pick him.

And I love him everyday.

~ Peace

The Burtle

Finding Nemo, well actually just Finding Ourselves

Ever been lost in the woods? Deep, dark forest with no reprieve of moonlight or star shine.

It gets pretty damn cold and damp - like soul sucking dark there.  It can be a scary place.

Sometimes that’s where my soul wants to roam off to.  I don’t always know why, but it does.  Maybe it’s my past calling to distract the healthier man I’ve become.  Who knows?

Being lost sucks.  There is a searching to find ourselves. No matter where we are there’s a moment when we realize that we’re lost, that we’ve become someone else.  Some stranger - possibly like Mike Meyers or Jason Voorhees (hopefully not QUITE like those characters!).  

We need to look down, look around and start seeing the person who we really are inside. It may be a long journey or maybe something that comes rather quickly. But we get to do this. We get to find ourselves (who we truly are), what makes us tick, makes us smile and also what makes us cry. Then we get to put all those things together in one beautiful package that’s really not about the outward looks, but what’s inside… 

And that’s where the glow comes from. It does show on our outside, but it starts with that little spark inside our heart.

And in that searching, in that finding we’ll start finding more of the light.

Let your TRUE LIGHT SHINE!

~ Peace 

The Burtle

Thanks RC for the words and thoughts!

Parable of the Hole

There was a man who had a hole. Not quite like a well, not a cave. But a big empty space that sat beside him. 

He spent his days pouring into this hole; his life, his affections, his energy, his finances, his desires, his life. 

Yet, no matter how much he poured into the hole, it would not be filled. It continued to seem as deep and as dark as it was at the beginning. 

He would spend his days working and toiling - striving to fill the hole with accomplishments and success.

At night he would throw his debauchery and desires into that same hole, always expecting it to rise to the top. Awakening each morning, he would find the whole empty and as cold and desolate as the day before.

He found love and threw it into the hole as well. With all the true intentions of someone who thought he found the answer. He poured his heart and his soul into the hole. He stood peering beside the hole with the person he thought would fill it and waited. 

The hole remained.

At one point, feeling broken and betrayed, he threw himself into the hole. Surely this sacrifice would fill the void. Lost in the darkness, he thought he would succumb and the hole would disappear with him.

It did not. 

And he did not. 

Lonely, tired and weary, he prayed.

How do I fill this hole?

A voice said, “you fill it with love. And you fill it with me.”

Soon after the man found others who had also sat beside a hole. He opened up his heart and instead of trying to fill the hole, he started to fill others. He gave and he tried to listen, he learned and he started to walk. Instead of focusing on the gaping hole beside him he focused on the world around him and others along the path.

Slowly, not noticing it from this new direction, his whole began to fill.

Not with self-seeking or anything he had done, but in finding hope.

Together now with others along the path, seeding love and patience where there had been loneliness and loss, his emptiness is filled.

~ Peace

The Burtle

Parable of the Moon

She stands and faces the Tempest, rising like a city from the depths of the sea. Wanting to hold back the waters, she plants her feet firmly in the sand. How firmly can that truly be though? It’s sand.

And she waits. 

The waters have always ebbed and flowed, but this storm rises above anything she’s ever known, anything she’s ever faced.

And she feels all alone. 

There’s always been a part of her that’s felt alone. Facing the sea, facing each storm. Facing life. 

Until she looks back over her shoulder, looking up and catches a glimpse of the moon.

She realizes…

The moon has sway over the waters, it directs the waves and it swallows up the depths with light reflected from the sun. 

It’s constant in its orbit, showing up whether behind a tapestry of clouds or full as the harvest moon that shown a few nights ago. 

The realization that she is standing there not alone, but watched over by the spirit that resonates the light is like a lightning bolt to her soul.

Yes, she will face the Tempest. But she doesn’t face it as a lone soul deafened by its wake. She faces it as one of many. One among others who have seen the moon. Who know its power and it’s source.

The storms will come. The waters will rise.

But she is not alone. 

She is standing, Under the moonlight. 

~ Peace

The Burtle

“Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and he brought them out of their distress. He stilled the storm to a whisper; the waves of the sea were hushed. They were glad when it grew calm, and he guided them to their desired haven.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭107‬:‭28‬-‭30‬ ‭NIV‬‬

“As they sailed, he fell asleep. A squall came down on the lake, so that the boat was being swamped, and they were in great danger. The disciples went and woke him, saying, “Master, Master, we’re going to drown!” He got up and rebuked the wind and the raging waters; the storm subsided, and all was calm. “Where is your faith?” he asked his disciples. In fear and amazement they asked one another, “Who is this? He commands even the winds and the water, and they obey him.””

‭‭

Luke‬ ‭8‬:‭23‬-‭25‬ ‭NIV‬‬

the Misfits

I’m proud to be a misfit. 

I’ll own it and wear it and even put a bow on it (if needed!).  Maybe a T-shirt with a logo.

Because this is who I am.  I have stuff, I know I have stuff and I get to own my sh*t, I mean stuff!

Most of us misfits do.

I want to be the anomaly I am.  The dichotomy of all the things that make me the unique person I’ve been and I’ve become.

And wouldn’t life be boring if we were all the same cookie cutter human beings that has so long been the goal… No longer, not here - not me. I’m sure there are some of you who still want that. And good for you. If that’s who you are, claim it and go after it. But me, my life has been unconventional. That’s a very light way of putting it. And in my 5th decade I realize that it’s good. I’m glad that I haven’t had the same path I thought I would be on. Makes for a much better documentary when I finally expire lol

Own your self. 

That may sound like an odd statement, but I simply mean find out who you are. And when you do find out, own it. 

I sat with a jewish couple yesterday at their house and the gentleman had this wonderful collection of cowboy hats. I asked him about them. He said he just liked hats. He put one on, showing me his ‘dressing in a suit’ cowboy hat, a beautiful black Stetson. Then he showed me his every day fedora. And then his white, beautifully woven hat with a feather tucked in the band.

He knew who he was. I told him I have a Tilly, a similar type hat, more for outdoors and hiking that I keep in my truck for when I get on the trails. I told him I wasn’t quite that comfortable wearing it anywhere else yet. His wife looked at me and said, ‘you get to decide that. Don’t let others make you feel uncomfortable. Own it.’

I thought about that the entire drive home last night. A 6+ hour nightmare of a drive from Savannah to Atlanta in the pouring rain (And this was before the hurricane that’s supposed to be coming in this evening).  It was a lot to chew on. And I realized it was good. We need people to spark our thoughts and help push us into new directions. Doesn’t mean we have to change everything, but it might just open up a new thought or path for us.

It also may help us realize that the misfits that we are, well they are pretty damn beautiful. And that instead of hiding them, I personally need to embrace it. And I’m so thankful I get to.

So, I get to decide. 

Which part of the unicorn am I going to be today? 

All of it. 

That’s who I am :-) 

~ Peace

The Burtle

What’s Your Superpower?

Michael Keaton. Comedic actor that had a couple of big hits in the mid to late 1980s. Mr. Mom, Night Shift and of course Beetlejuice… Beetlejuice Beetlejuice lol. 

And then it was announced that he was going to star in a new movie. An action movie. Michael Keaton was going to be Batman. 

Say what?! 

Michael Keaton could never be Batman. This is a comedy guy. This is someone who made his bones as a standup comedian then as a lovable energetic goofball. 

Batman? 

I remember going to the Thursday night… actually 12 AM Friday morning screening of Batman when it first was coming out. It was a packed. And whether it failed or succeeded, it created quite a buzz. Finally, there was a Batman movie. The last big superhero was Superman and Christopher Reeve owned that part (still does almost 50 years later).

I sat and watched. I was mesmerized. 

Michael Keaton absolutely WAS Batman. 

There was a hidden darkness and also intensity that had been part of his comedy but now through the black cloak and mask it was near perfect. The dark knight was menacing, almost smiling as he pummeled criminals. His Bruce Wayne was complicated and a little unnerving.

Who would’ve ever known? 

Sometime heroes are unlikely. 

I won’t go into my Batman rankings, though I will tell you, Ben Affleck is pretty damn low on the list… Christian Bale.  Definitely a close second overall.

Each of us has a superpower. I truly believe that. I know people who can kill you with kindness, and those who make you feel so beautiful with just the right word or tone.

I know two kids who have shown strength and resilience greater than the strongest people I’ve ever met. They’ve been through hell and they are still here.

I’ve seen others that have accomplished physical feats that marvel me - like the G.O.A.T. who took Atlanta to task at the Super Bowl several years ago. Still pissed about that one.  Brady could unretire today and probably put a team on his back and win (hmm, Atlanta.  Guess you missed on that one).

My own superpower, I don’t go away. I come back. Call me resilient man. And you may not agree with that, but I get to pick my own superpower, like the kids in the playground years and years ago.

I Fucking show up.

Even sometimes when I shouldn’t. But that is part of being resilient. You make mistakes, but you still bounce back.

And you’ve got a superpower too.

What is it?

Are you able to bring peace into a hostile situation with just your presence and a few calming words?

Do you have the power to stand in the gap for people who just can’t stand for themselves? Are you the leader who helps change the world to make things better? Do you have the power of listening? I’m working on that one.

Not everyone’s is the same. If all the superheroes  in the Justice League had the same power it would get pretty damn boring. And they probably would be a fight over who was the best. AND NO ONE WOULD WIN CAUSE THEY ARE ALL THE SAME - kinda like how well Stormtroopers hit their targets.

I don’t think Batman could take Superman in a fair fight, but I have a feeling he would have some kryptonite up his sleeve. And Wonder Woman - She could probably kick both their butts.

What I’m really trying to get at is that we have the ability to reach inside ourselves and find a power that is greater than ourselves. And in my own beliefs, I believe that God will lead you to that power. It’s really him, I just get to use a little bit of it while I’m here. Kind of like the Greatest American Hero put on that ugly red suit and tried to help others while still not understanding exactly how it all worked.

Again…

What’s your superpower?

Oh, and what color cape?

 ~ Peace

The Burtle

And about capes…

https://youtu.be/JSfG3slODnM?feature=shared