T-minus 10 and counting

10... 9... 8... 7... 6... (you get it by now)

It’s almost been half a year. Damn what a six months!

Whereas a year ago today I was desperately trying to win back the love that I still hold, I find myself on the threshold of a brand new adventure.  It’s still me, with all of my character defects and all of my flaws, but I’m not bound.  I’m not bound to a substance, or to a codependency on others that made me so scared to breathe.

I’m hopeful, I’m grateful, and I’m daily finding guidance beyond me.  God‘s voice through others in the rooms, friends that have stuck by me, through the ‘wind in the trees, the birds and the bees’ (that last part was for Jack, my counselor).

I’ve written a description of what I am…

Hack carpenter, handyman, musician, writer, modern-day poet.
‘Street corner philosopher’

I’m also a father, a son, a friend, a brother, and so much more.

I am growing.  I am changing.  I am also still the same beautiful soul that God created.  I am me.

I live and I breathe in every day.  I am so thankful for that.  After a year of  trying to dog-paddle against the waves of my own personal tsunami, I found a lifeline through the one place I never wanted to go.  And I have found healing.  Slowly and methodically.  Painstakingly.

The tribe that I’ve been adopted into has deep roots.  I have peeps that already mean so much to me.  And I want to give of myself to those  who’ve traveled down that same road I did.  The road that I’m still walking on.  One day at a time.

Since November 19, I haven’t had a day that I wanted to leave this planet.  To blast off into outer space or to meet my maker or to go to hell.  See, that was my entire world before.  I was just counting the days till I wasn’t here anymore.  It wasn’t my fault; I had embraced that as the only path a long time ago.  Formed out of the misconceptions of an abused child growing up with his secrets.

Oh I'm still EAF, LAF, CAF and all the other "as F*c&s"!!!
(Emotional as... Loud as... Crazy as...)

AND now for the last six months (well in ten days!!) I have found hope.

So I am counting down.  Six months.  I didn’t think I could make it six days.  And I haven’t done this alone.  You know who you are.  All of you!  I am so blessed to have you in my life.  You are the people that were placed here to help me find life.

And that simple prayer that I’ve said many times over the years now rings even more true.  Helping me to navigate through my days.

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.”

~ Peace

Chad