Sign-O-the-Times

Come gather 'round people
Wherever you roam
And admit that the waters
Around you have grown
And accept it that soon
You'll be drenched to the bone
If your time to you is worth savin'
And you better start swimmin'
Or you'll sink like a stone
For the times they are a-changin'

~ Bob Dylan

Faith without works is dead.  

It’s a simple concept, yet it was one that I criticized, manipulated and catastrophized often over the years.  Faith – the belief in something.  Works – doing, moving, well, working.  How the hell do these two exist in the same verse?  And how do they relate to me, now, today?

Then poof.  One simple, way too easy saying comes to my ears.  The source, my mentor.  “Do the Next Right Thing.”  “Do what?”, I bellowed, as I lay in a state of unrest and detoxification.  How do I do the next right thing when I can’t even get out of bed? 

“Chad, pray.”

“Chad, listen.”

“Chad, walk across the room.  Feed yourself.”

“Chad, walk outside.  Feel the sun on your face.”

“Chad….”  I think you get it by now.

I’m getting close to 8 months.  And it amazes me how different my place is now.  How so very different my path is.  How so opposite from anything I would have imagined a year ago, three years ago.  Hell, it’s even different from where I thought I would be 4 months ago. RADICALLY Different!  And it is that verse in many ways.  Faith exists inside me.  I’ve always clung to it.  I’ve always, except for a few very dark days last year and in the past, tried to let my belief in something bigger guide me.  But I always toyed with the works.  Sure, I could make it look like I was a great guy with biblical and social thoughts that made me heightened, even sometimes enlightened.  But at the core, I am still, even today the 14-year-old who’s learning to Do – The – Work.  

I am amazed as I look down at my hands and see the change.  I always prided myself on my soft hands.  Even through years of drumming and playing other musical instruments I kept them very clean and unblemished.  Now I look and they are so different.  I am so different.  My core remains very true to who I am, but now my outside is changed.  I am stronger physically; I am still bull-headed (maybe Bison-headed!) and I am calloused.  Inside and out I have those scars that make me unique, sometimes crusty and always a mix of silly and salty – within moments of each other.

I was going to be with a special person forever.  That changed.*  

I was going to teach again.  A new school, a new side of town.  That changed.

I was going to drink myself to death.  I’m still here.

I was going to stay huddled in my ‘cave’ and hide from the world.  Well, if you know me you know I don’t do the wallflower AT ALL!

I am still a Father.

I am a Son.

I am a Man of Faith.

I am Broken, and yet put back together.

I am Tender, yet Firm.

I am a Carpenter.

I am a Friend.

I am really fucking Real.

And I am loved.

The Times, they are a changin’.  One day at a time.  One moment at a time.

~ Peace

The Burtle.

Zadkiel

* I still pray...