There is an anger that burns in me deep and still crackling with the dry pine that chars and blackens my eyes.
You have tied my soul to a stake at its center... trying to kill the last bit of humanity that I felt for you.
And you almost succeeded. I am blackened, sick with soot and ash. Struggling to breathe over the longest two weeks I can remember.
But you didn’t.
At this point I am sad, beaten down and weary. But i also feel sorrow for your burden. How you walk around with all that inside you and unable to really let it go, the pain, the guilt, the hurt that you hold, I don’t know? The judgements that you put on me, on others, but don’t realize that you too need help to move on. I wish you would have listened to my own pleadings for you to find solace and help. But you are too strong for that. Instead you’ve asked all of us to change. To bend to your ways. And you have never been happy with the compromise that had to be. I’m sorry for that. But we all have to bend.
And I still love you. I may be one of the only people on the planet to see your heart and know how terrified you are at times. The walls that you build are hard to trace, but they’re there. I know the good that is there too. Just so much there that covers it up.
Let them down. Find the answers. Not in control, but in peace and communion.
I will always have a part of me that is yours, but I know that until you can succumb to a realization of all our faults and humble yourself to another, you’ll never be happy. I want you to be happy.
I hate you and I love you.
And if you need me I am here.
Still. Even after the pain you’ve just put me through.
Chad
02/06/18
No comments:
Post a Comment