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Sometimes with her it feels like I am Indiana Jones running down the hill and she’s chasing me (big ass Boulder), and sometimes I feel like it’s a not too subtle push into the deep end of the swimming pool… She’s real and she’s strong and she is adorable at times.  She’s a good friend and I’m thankful for that.

She’s also gone through the hell that is divorce.  Not the easy 30-60 days and it’s over divorce, but the real, nasty, police involved and everybody knows how ugly it is divorce.

And on Monday it was over.  At least on paper.  Emotionally, I think that answer might vary.  When I first met her it was “I’m done with this, I just have to get the paperwork over with.”  But I know there’s more to it.  There's still the ups and downs of dealing through the wreckage.  That’s not a cut, that’s just me realizing that I’ve had my own journey through divorce. 

Divorce sucks.  There’s no winner, only losers; usually the kids.  The emotional toll is high, the taxes paid are in life force and lost time.  There’s no highroad, because at this point you’re taking something that was at one point one of the highest institutions and seeing it sullied, broken, done.

Personally, I do believe in marriage.  The institution; a moral and spiritual bond.  I’ve also fucked it up.  I know that.  I don’t deny my past.  And I’m sure that is one of the things that often hinders me when I get into relationship with others, especially the ‘pretty girl’ variety.

So K, she’s one of those people that you don’t forget.  Who seems so freaking strong, like 'She-Ra' strong but with a softball bat.  Underneath though, I know there’s a tender side as well.  A very loving, hurt little girl who just wants more in her life.  I hope she finds it now.  I really do.  I’ve prayed for her and I pray for her soul.

Here’s where I haven’t fully talked with her so I’ll just say it here.  I don’t believe we can find peace until we find peace deep within our soul.  A peace that passes all understanding.  Something bigger than us.  Mine is God.   I don’t know what hers is.  I have mentioned it a couple of times but I don’t press.  I just try to show that even fuck-ups like myself can still find something bigger.

K, I’ve learned a lot from you. I’ve fought with you as well. And you are special to me. Thank you for being my friend.

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.”

James 1:2-6

~ Peace

The Burtle