I have doubts.
Many.
Sitting on the cynical side of faith while at the same time fully aware that I wouldn’t be sitting here at all without that same faith.
I question.
People. Motives. Government. Policies and even the validity of stop signs, especially along those rural stretches of road along 278 through the outskirts of Georgia into Alabama.
I guess I’m supposed to just believe. Well that got me tied to a bottle and wishing I could just make them understand… fighting a losing war with myself.
Why do I have these questions? Maybe one day I’ll get to ask the Dude on High. My faith didn’t come easy, yet it’s the easiest thing for me to actually believe.
A cynic believing in one true God. Yep.
Because even those of us who struggle with trust, who struggle with letting go, who struggle with knowing that the world will ultimately let them down can find a sliver of peace in knowing that tears aren’t wasted on heaven. That all the hard isn’t bigger than the God who whispered “I am here.”
And if you don’t question and can just believe without doubt, I wish I had your superpower. Mine seems to be flying headfirst into brick walls until I knock myself silly!
Funny thing is, when I doubt the only thing that always remains after disappointment from other fallen humans, institutions without a conscience or relationships that seem so fucking one sided is the truth. The truth that after a good cry (last night and this morning) there will be that same sliver of peace once eyes have dried and breathing has calmed.
Oh, I doubt. I question.
Yet, I still believe.
~ Peace
The Burtle
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