the Spiritual Dilemma:

I was born out of the womb.  Suckled from the teat of the south.  Raised and fed in the way most kids of the early suburban 70’s were (think cul-de-sacs, creek banks, bicycle freedom...)

In my flesh I am carnal, earthen… shaken by the strong winds and quakes of the ground that come from being here.  Human. Being.  My body aches with sore muscles after a long day working with my hands.  I feel the deep chill of impending winter.  Embrace the cascading rain as it hits my brow… sometimes hiding the underlying pain and tears of just Being. Human.

My flesh is fragile, temperamental and always changing and sending signals to my brain - my knee aches, often proclaiming impending rain; my back remembers the weight it’s carried over days and months of hard labor; my hair continues to grey, just on my beard, but still pressing the agenda of age.  The 5 miles I walked today is a reminder that I haven’t been as active the last few weeks.  

In essence.  Being Human just hurts.

But that isn’t the essence of my thoughts here.  I am aware of a battle that wages within me.  A battle of heart and lungs, soul and skin.  While my physical form was raised from the sensual longings of two other physical beings, my spirit was bound to thoughts and places much higher than my simple, rudimentary carnality.  And this set forth the dilemma that I face tonight.  

Do I succumb to the dark, to the needs raised so clearly today out of loneliness, hunger, want?  Or do I look deeper.  Not the depths that my carnality holds.  And for anyone who doesn’t understand that there is a depth to our animal side that can rival that of our ‘higher callings’, I beg of you to not overlook the reality of flesh and sinew.  It is potent and of a magic that helped bring forth life.  But the depth I want - is a depth of character, of love, of spirit.

This is my spiritual dilemma.  And it is NOT to be taken lightly.  We hunger - so we feed ourselves.  We thirst - and we drink.  We want - and we take.  But when do we move away from the carnal, the flesh and into the spirit?  A place that doesn’t always hold such a concrete, defined place in our sometimes feeble imaginations.  A place where we find enlightenment over engorging ourselves.  Spirit isn't as easily defined as flesh.  Its whispers are often overlooked amidst the cacophony of life.

The dilemma is clear.  Do we chose to find our spirit as our guide or our flesh?  And I was raised on “you just have to let the Lord.”  “If you pray, he will take it away from you.”  BUT the Lord isn’t really all that concerned with our timing - He tends to work in his own time!  Our spirits seek light, seek energy, seek substance.  Our flesh seeks sustenance.  Our FLESH is not ALL bad.  Our SPIRITS are not ALL good.  In the depths of scripture there are references to the darkness that ‘pierces the light’, the dark realms, the purity of sex (READ Song of Songs).  So as a Human. Being.  I find myself often torn between the two.

What I am battling tonight is my future.  I have 346 days of freedom.  I’ve fought with my entire life force for this.  I did not do it alone, and I thank God every day for those he’s allowed to interject into this journey.  But it’s hard to be alone.  To want the flesh, but more to want the simple touch of another’s hand.  The companionship of walking and talking with another.

To pray with that special person.


I will not succumb to the darker sides of me.  I’ve walked down that road - almost to my death.

Yes, I still pray.  Every. G. D. Day!! 

For my kids.  For those around me.  For lost love.  For breath, life, sustenance and substance.

And when it’s his time.  Someone to show up.  Because that’s what I think all of us really want at our core.  We want to know that we’re never alone.

~ Peace

The Burtle 

You are Enough

Take a moment 

to breathe

to dream

to believe

a little more in Yourself

Don’t let 

the whispers in Your head

all the dread

remove all the good 

remember You have

so much more inside

Your heart

And even when 

the tides 

seem to turn

You can return

to that solace

that is always part…

Of You.

And You,

are enough.

10/29/21

clc