What if I stumble…

“What if I stumble? 

What if I fall?

What if I loose my step 

And I make fools of us all?”

~ DC Talk

Such poignant words. Doubt creeps in and cripples us. Fear can take away any ounce of joy.

What do I do? I stumble and fall a lot.  But now, instead of reaching for a substance or reaching inwards towards my insecurities, I reach up.

I was once in a relationship where everything had to just work. Everything had to be ‘perfect’ the first time and bumps in the road came like earthquakes that rated like a 22.8 on the richter scale* lol.  And that’s just not living.

Failure is a part of life.  And so is taking chances. Sometimes you have to get out on the dance floor and show everyone just how bad you are, laughing at your mistakes and keep on dancing.

I’ve been praying for the last three months about three major areas in my life. My living situation; where I live and the area that I’ve called home for so long. My work life; not just my job but for something that might be sustainable for this last career of my life… and God willing this is my last career!  And relationships; damn that’s such a hard one, and another blog for another day.

Part of me wants to stay in the safe. And believe me, the last two years I’ve done a whole lot of work to try to maintain a healthy, safe lifestyle.  I don’t wanna lose that.  But there’s a part of me that wants to breathe deep, to stretch out - and fly.  I need to spread my wings.  This isn’t a rash thing, it’s been coming for a while.  Just didn’t expect the location to be exactly where it’s heading.  I’ve got family there and I know I have a way of life that lends itself toward community… I just have to show up.

Isn’t that part of it?  Life.  Community.  Knowing that there will be people who show up when you need them.  And I want to be one of those people, those who show up.  I’m going to fall at times.  I’m going to stumble.  But to go back to the life I knew is not something I want to dwell on.  Because one day at a time I get to choose to be here, present, now.  And it’s been a beautiful journey.  So instead of getting somber and boo-hoo, I’m just gonna take one step at a time.  Who knows what’s beyond the waiting horizon?

And when I stumble, just like Batman…

“Why do we fall? So we can learn to pick ourselves up.”

And often that comes with help, community, family.

~ Peace

The Burtle 

*’Although the Richter Scale has no upper limit, the largest known shocks/earthquakes have had magnitudes in the 8.8 to 8.9 range.’ - from the interwebs!