49 trips around the Sun.

I didn’t think this is where I would be.  It’s a beautiful day in Atlanta; the weather is perfect, people are out everywhere.  I’m alone, but that’s okay.  It’s not where I want to be, but it’s where he’s placed me.

I’m starting over.  Yes, I still long for curly hair.  Yes, I miss my kids.  But more than anything I know that I’m here.  Starting the next part of my journey.

The roller coaster ride of the last couple of years is finally starting to settle into a rhythm.  It’s a new rhythm.  One I wish I could share with her.  But I need to stay on target here.  My focus is on me.  On learning more about where I’m at, and continuing to take every moment that I’m given and try to be the best I can.  Even when it means being the best Netflix Binger in the world :-)

I am toying with the opportunity, the possibility of moving into a different career (mindset).  Something that I think would use my hands and my knowledge and challenge me at the same time.  I want to build.  To build people up, to build projects, to restore old houses, to restore my life.  And I’m not doing it alone.  I wish I could name them, but there are so many people that have become part of this journey -many anonymous before the last 100 days.  Yes, it’s been 100 days (101 to be exact).  How in the hell did I make it this far?!  I just knew I would be dead at this point.  A year ago I was doing everything possible to win her back.  I was also doing everything possible to slowly kill me inside at the same time. 

I bottomed.  It had to happen.  There has to be a bottom.  Some people have soft bottoms I’ve heard; I didn’t have that luxury.  I bottomed hard.  After several trips to mental health hospitals to try to stabilize me, I finally made the decision to be here.

And now I’m looking one step ahead, and also thinking of what could be beyond the next rise, what’s off in the distance.  Not trying to focus on it too much, but seeing that there is a horizon.  And that I am heading towards it.

Here’s to more trips around the sun...

One right decision at a time.

~ Peace

Chad

... and you don’t just get over Annie Wilson.

Zadkiel