Someone I'll never know

I met someone I'll never know.

I felt his presence sitting at the table.  I still feel a hint of it now, 12 hours later.  I never came face to face with him, but I know his story.  I've lived parts of it - pieced together other fragments.

All from one conversation with him.

His voice came through her lips, from her heart and spirit.  The life he lived was never tragic or a waste.  It was clear that he was who he was.  Her best friend - Her love.

I can't imagine, but yet I know the whispers that can drive a  person so far from reality.  I was once there.

The night went on.  I really didn't want it to end.  I felt like I met two people last night.

One the beautiful lady that resonated with a purpose and a presence that caught my attention days before.  The other a writer, a musician and a man I think I have found some commonalities with.  It seems he made a difference in not just her life, but in others who he touched.

All this from a night under the stars.  Sitting.  Listening.

Thank you!

I dreamed a dream...

It seems like a long time ago, I had so many of them.  I was the dreamer.

My head was always more in the distant thoughts of some incredible path than into the day to day.  I could see oceans of possibilities.  I saw a thousand horizons beckoning me.

But it changed.

I found that life is really hard and all my dreams couldn't pay the rent.  I never stopped dreaming, but it was different.

I hope that I'm not totally jaded, though I do see parts of me that are cynical.  But I've still got dreams.  I still have hopes and desires above anything that I've found.  I still find my thoughts drawn so much toward a place where you can actually dream - hope - find faith.

But circumstance can rob you of that.  The 'tiger' can come and steal away what you thought was so precious.  "Tear your hope apart".  People can do it as well, but ultimately you decide if you give up or not.  I've given up three major times in my life.

The song that I hear inside me doesn't seem to play as loud or quite as often, but it's refrain is still echoing through my core.  It still yearns for me to do something with these thoughts.  The hopes and dreams just don't die.  Not unless we allow them to.

My daughter sent me a text tonight asking me how to find inspiration to write a song.  WOW!!!  I mean I've spent most of my life searching for the words and the music that I hear inside - trying to place them on paper.  But this kid, well she has the same thoughts I have had, I think.  

She's wanting to write a song.  She's such a dreamer.  I love her so much for that small part of me that she carries.  It's such a compelling part of who she is.  I don't need her to be a famous writer or songstress, but I hope she never gives up on what she sees before her.

I, on the other hand have to stop making excuses and realize...

as before, so many times...

I Dreamed a Dream.

MAN of STEEL

nope, not superman.

no cape.

no super powers.

no leaping tall buildings in a single bound.

no saving the day....... well, maybe.

just a man.

it's a combination of the best of my friends, my mentors, my role models.

Men who have risen above so many adversities:

Losing a wife to Cancer.

Having a child die way to young.

Taking on the mantle of Dad, when 'dad' just doesn't seem to care.

Working a job that seems to make him miserable to watch his kids have a chance at something MORE.

There's no secret identity, unless you consider that they seldom get recognition for the true HEROES that they are.  They don't don a special suit to help them fight injustice, but they do often dry tears on a little girl's face when she falls.  They fight for what they believe in, just like the comic book legends, but they fight in the real world - through real problems that come in the face of MAN.

There are so many, and I know I'll leave out some, but not on purpose.  Know that you all are men of so much strength and integrity that I am thankful are out there - making a difference in the lives of your families, your friends and the World.

Jason P., Matt T., Earl T., Calvin C., Allen M. (I miss you, PaPa), Dave P., Andy H., Craig C., and sooooooooooooo many others.

Thank you, MEN of STEEL.

ELECTRiCiTy

There is just something that is unpredictable about the pulse and flow of Electricity.  We generate it, try to control it and use it - but in reality it can have a mind of it's own.  From the gentle spark that comes from my hand touching a doorknob and the static gets me, to the sky-piercing bolt of lightning that brings awe and fear in the same breath.

How is it that another person can bring so much of the same 'electricity' to a moment?  That spark that sends a message throughout our being on the first touch...

The way that your breath can be taken away - like when the sky is alight as lips meet...

And you just can't tell where lightning is going to strike.  The way that we're made - you'd think it would be simple - but to get the current flowing between two people is something unpredictable and not easily defined by some 'relational barometer'.

The force that draws two people close can be subtle.  It can be steady and persistently growing...

Or it can be like lightning bolts across the heavens!

And when lightning strikes - and that natural ELECTRICITY is just there, well you want to take it and find ways to generate more.  But even then it's not always in one person's control.  It may be something that is only realized when eyes meet, hands pull each other close and the moment becomes charged with a pulse of positive energy.

So if you have that, keep it.  Don't let the current be disrupted from unanswered moments when you can take that first spark again and let it build.  The passion that comes might put your hair up on end, but it can also help regenerate an energy long lost.

And if a moment has struck you and you've witnessed that personally, GRAB HOLD and see where it takes you!



 

Write your own ending....

41.

Single again.

Alive (thanks God).

Healthy.

READY.
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At this point I've realized that I get to choose.

I've opened up a fresh journal.  Taken my pen.  Turned to a blank page.

and now I get to write.

I'll spend time thinking this through.  Each day a possible entry.  Every experience from here on out will fill the pages with some detail that I get to place in the pages.

For the next forty years I am going to be the one who decides.  God-willing it will be full of the moments that I want to remember.  Want to share with others.

I get to write my own ending.  And while I am NOT in control of when that ending will be, I will seek to fill the pages as if I were afraid to miss a thing.

Aerosmith put it in a song... a love song.  

I don't want to close my eyes
I don't want to fall asleep
Cause I'd miss you babe
And I don't want to miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you babe
And I don't want to miss a thing

Maybe someday I'll add that special person.  But even now - I'm going to keep breathing.  Keep living...

So I won't miss a thing.

PUzzLE

MOM:  Son, I don't think that peg fits in that hole.

SON:  Yes it does mommy, watch...

Bam, Bam, BAM BAM!!!!

SON:  See Mommy, it fits just right!

It's ironic.  The shapes line up and everything seems to glide through without any hesitation.  And that is exactly how we DON'T want it.  Some part of our nature just doesn't want to accept the 'fit'.  It's like we just want to make ourselves frustrated with something that will either break altogether, or we WILL make the Square Peg go into the Round Hole, but it's just stuck in this really wrong place.  Unable to move or breathe...

Then we 'Grow up' and move beyond the little Hammered Block puzzle toy to real 500 PLUS piece picture puzzles.  

How many times have I sat there determined to match two pieces together when I know they're not right.  It's a crazy struggle.  And especially after three days of having the puzzle sitting on the dining room table... just gotta get it finished.  

We'll struggle to make something work that just doesn't seem right and in the end isn't right instead of walking away and taking a breath...

The right piece is there.  You just have to know what it looks like.  Or at least have a clue - does it have a straight border?  does it have a particular color on the top anywhere?  does it have a peculiar shape?

The puzzle will hopefully come together.  It will get done.  The search for that special piece will end in something true and remarkable.  And after all the struggles, it'll be complete.