It's a safe haven and an infinite hell at the same moment. Our days can be ruled by it. Our nights can be terrorized by the images that form within.
It can be a tranquil place where we dream techni-color dreams of fairytale futures including wizards, action heroes or mutated turtles. It can be where we hold our hope.
This place isn't necessarily a bad place, but it's formed by the images, the experiences, the pain, the loss, the happy moments, the dreams, the laughter shared and the hope that has been fulfilled or destroyed.
My mind has seen some pretty amazing things. My past at one point clouded it so much that I only saw the dark.... like Luke in the Cave (obligatory Star Wars reference). Now I try to balance my thoughts with the hopes and dreams I still look toward and the reality in which I live.
But that's me. Now I'm really angry. I can deal with me, but now my daughter is having to deal. Deal with the hard realities of the Fragile Mind.
I have cried, yelled at God, gotten snotty-faced angry about it.
It's not fair. And I will do everything I can to make it different, manageable for her. But I just don't understand. There's no "easy button". No pill that makes it all better.
It's a climb. Climb out of the ayss into something that transcends the weakness we find in our flesh and in our maleable thoughts.
So I'll end this with the words of a girl who I think has gone through some of this (and may be a little Cray-cray herself), Miley Cyrus...
The Climb - Miley Cyrus
I can almost see it
That dream I'm dreaming, but
There's a voice inside my head saying,
You'll never reach it.
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking, but I
Gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high
There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast i get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb............
