I am the MONSTER

Yes, I am.

There is nothing that I hide in this.  I am the monster.  It is inside me, part of me.  I am.

There is no uplifting ending coming, I'm just being blunt.  It hunts, feeds, devours, takes hold.  It is part of my subconscious.  Lingering to find the moments I'm willing to let it take the reigns.

I fucking hate it.  And I have continued to fight it everyday for the better part of my life.

You may have seen it, witnessed it, but unless you've been devoured by it, you can never truly get it.

I'm not alone.  THERE ARE MORE OF ME OUT THERE THAN YOU MIGHT THINK. Souls who have ridden the storms of it's deceit and false promises more of their life than they wish.

And until I come to grips with me, the monster remains.  Something I fight.  But maybe one day it will be something I can fully come to grips with and not face it every day, but embrace it.

Maybe.

Outside Voices

Will you let me be?
finding such times to tear apart the fragile parts of me.
Will you move and let me fly?
without pretense or looking for how I've done it wrong, or just not right?
now I find that I can only decide the course
but I am not alone, I can weather this with or without that voice
So let me stand, or let me fail
but I will be the one to rise above, or sink below to dwell.

11/24/17
clc