Between the winter of 2006 and spring of 2007 was one of the roughest stretches of my life. It was when the abuse of my past first came alive outside my head and the relationship I was in was being destroyed by two people who cared about each other, but both carried closets full of past hurts and suffering. It was dark, sad and depressing.
I got so low I didn't want to be here anymore.
Obviously I’m still here.
It was also when I first learned what unconditional love was. And that came from a fuzzy four-legged creature named Murphy! She was a puppy of a golden retriever, even though she was already two when I got her, that never fully grew up, and taught me what it truly meant to love another being. And it started at the pound.
She was that special dog. The one you go back to several times during a visit to the pound. The same dog that I ended up taking off a day of work to make sure I was the first one in line to get her the day she was available to adopt. She was going to be our new companion, and never did I realize that she would become much more to me. She already had pulled on my heartstrings from the very first time I bent down to approach her and she put her paw against the chain-link cage they had her in, just to get my attention.
Over the next five years, as I tried to work through a lot of my own personal baggage, I found that I learned more and more about how to love from Murphy.
Loyal, patient, always excited to see me, nudging me when I needed to be reminded that there was more to life than just the pain that I was going through. I would come home and I could hear her inside on the wood floors dancing... pitter patter, just excited to have me open the door, her big frame almost taking me down to the floor as she jumped up to try to be pet and to welcome me with a sloppy kiss.
The first summer we had her I had a dinner we had to go to that involved us leaving her alone at home for an extended time with someone checking on her. At some point during the evening Murphy decided to play shaker with a bottle of medication that had been left on the counter. We got a frantic phone call saying that she was laying there in a pool of her own feces, unresponsive. Rushing to her, we weren't sure whether she would make it or not. Fortunately the dog sitter was able to take her to the emergency clinic, and by the time we got there we were forced to make a decision… Do we save her or do we let her go? It was the first time I truly realized how deep the connection was between me and that dog. Without hesitating I pulled out the credit card. A thousand dollars later we were told that she would make it, though it would be a rough couple of weeks afterwards.
She never judged me, even when I corrected her she learned and practiced the most loving obedience. Yes, there were times she went astray, but she always looked back at me with her big silly grin and would lope over to me to be praised and loved.
I wish we all could love like that. Without pretense or the life crap that I find gets in the way of that simple childlike love that only a silly, beautiful grown-up puppy can provide.
Murphy died last mother’s day. I wish I could have been with her when she went, but I’m glad I have the good memories of her to keep in my heart. A heart that she made much larger just by coming into my life.
