LIGHTNING BOLT

They first came to my attention in college.  A band that really struck a chord within me.  10, their album that soared to the masses of teens and adults across the nation still stands as one of the Greatest Albums EVER in my opinion.  And today they are still out there - rocking and relevant...

"But I found my place, and it's all right

we're all searching for a better way

Get this off my plate

It's all right, I got my own way to believe."

I saw them in concert in October.  They were older, even aged, but they still have a distinct and pressing agenda to the music.  So today was Pearl Jam Day!  I listened over and over again to the latest album and was struck by the words of the first track, Getaway.

My own quest is so similar to the words Eddie expresses...

"But I found my place, and it's alright, 

I'm bearing witness to some better things

Get this off my plate

It's alright, I've got my own way to believe

It's ok, sometimes you find yourself

being told to change your ways

THERE'S NO WAY,

mine is mine and yours won't take it's place..."

The Getaway from the past.  At 41, I'm not done.  I'm finding footing in some deep places that I just couldn't find in my past.  My faith is strong, but it's not the cookie cutter religion that I just hate.  

My desires for my future, for my life are open to whatever I choose.  And I think I've chosen wisely (at least in the more recent past).  So I sat and looked down on the stage (nose-bleed seats) and found myself remembering, but not looking on these guys as the money-grubbing groups that tour every time the bank accounts get low (a group with a bird name comes to mind).  I see guys who are still passionate about what they do.  Passionate to make music.  To continue to be a lightning bolt to those who will give their music a listen.

I like that.  May have to find my own way to stir life up a little more!!

Losing the Past

Why do they sting?

The memories that we carry that are somehow triggered in moments of stress and frustration.

Why do they hurt?

They're not current or still alive except for in the recesses of our minds.

I don't know.

THE EASY WAY is to just try and just move past these.  But they return.

You have to extract those moments.  Take them under control and be present in NOW.  They can't do anything other than fester and bleed.  None of us really needs that.  An open sore that just won't go away.

The harder way is what I believe is how we triumph over these.  You stand up.  FIGHT.  Not against each other, but WITH THOSE involved in a pursuit of healing.  It's about communicating over castrating those feelings.  Taking them in and finding out how to peel away another layer of the hurts.  To know that even when it stings that two people can truly demonstrate love through even the toughest of circumstance.

Why do this?

Well, I've lived two distinct ways in my life.  One, trying to hide the pain and hurts and just move through life in a perfect 'bubble'.  Two, opening up and having to reveal the darkness.  Shine light upon it and find ways to eliminate the ROOT of the pain.

I have immense capacity to grow.  I've gone far in this journey and today I realize that the stinging moments are just the way that I continue to stay on course.  Follow my heart.  Open up my insides and TRUST in another human being.

I still can't answer why those specific moments occur, but I know that if you stand and denounce the power they try to yield upon you, you can prevail!

it's like the most famous of men who overcame...

His family didn't understand.

The neighbors laughed and ridiculed him.

BUT HIE DIDN'T GIVE UP (wanted to, but something inside just wouldn't let him).

"Greater Love..."

"Greater Love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends."

John 15:13, NIV Bible

Life is not a burden.  Though I know in my own worries I can come across as it being that when I'm unsure, tired or overwhelmed.

Life is a precious gift that keeps unwrapping itself as the days go on.  Each day a new beginning and a chance to find more to enjoy - breathe - live.

I have had many days in my past that were not full of the seeking something truly positive to strive for.  I have been mired in the past at times and there are days that I still struggle with it.  I had one of those last night.  It's not something I'm proud of - the tears coming from a grown man who doesn't have the answers in that moment. But those moments pass and they allow (hopefully) growth!

But that's not what this is about.  This is about a gift that I received, though who would have known how the days would be intertwined to come to here - this place in Atlanta, Georgia where love was given.  Even at the cost of a life - a life of someone I've come to know in the odd way that I have...

Brett, I wish you were here.  I wish you were in a place that could have held your heart and mind - your spirit - and you would be breathing alongside me.  We've shared so many similar struggles.  We both know some of the same dark places.  You a musician, just like me (well, somewhat alike).  You a writer - though we put pen to paper in different ways.

You loved her.  So do I.

I know how deep and true you did.  I have seen it in tearfilled eyes and moments when you are still whispering in our ears.  

I know that you left us all here, still fighting the demons that haunted you.  I've known them as well.  I also know that it was because of you, in some larger way, that I found her.  

The love you gave your life for is still alive.  It is real.  

It has been said that true love is deeper than words or actions...

it resonates within two hearts like a torch - shedding light beyond their intertwined forms.

You shed a lot of light here.  It comforts me to know that you may still be lingering above.  Hopefully knowing that I'll love her.  I'll cherish her.

Greater Love... there's not much more to say.