sKin

we all have it.

some of us have a "thicker" skin.

some sensitive skin.

you may have skin that seems to glow.  or you may have a covering that you wish was more like the models on TV and magazines.

our physical form is something that I personally have struggled with for years.  and in many ways it is connected to my inner "skin" as well.

I was the fat kid in grade school.  the acne faced kid in high school who just couldn't go a day without some new bump or mark.

my skin has hung on my bones at times, and even in those times when I know I've been in the best shape of my life - it still was the part of me that I was most sensitive about.

"Chady Fatty"

"Big Boy"

"Fat A**"

just to name a few that come to mind as I'm writing this.

the words hurt.  but it was nothing to the way it made me feel so insecure and hyper-aware of my weight.  those thoughts seeped into my bones and made each look in the mirror something out of a bad fairy tale...

"mirror, mirror on the wall... who's the ugliest of them all"

and yes, I still struggle with this.


but WE are all Beautiful.

We were all fearfully and wonderfully made.

We radiate from something beyond our skin.  

We have parts of us that are just waiting to show the beauty that lies within.

Some of us may show this beauty more.  Some of us may mask it with the fear and self-loathing that I experienced.  But we are all beautiful creatures. 

There may need to be some internal 'tweaking' to get our insides to allow us to see that.  And yes, there are things that most of us may need to work on physically.  But this journey - life - it's a chance to do something each day to resonate that beauty.  

If you're angry - find something to be joyful about. 

If you're sad - find laughter.

If you're tired and weary - find peace in places beyond the mirror.  Beyond the facade.

I wear a mark on my arm.  It represents the balance that I long for in my life.

Physical - Mental - Spiritual

There is beauty in me.  I have a deep longing for the spirit that sings within me to grow and become even more of what I know it can be.  I have a mind that is quirky and unique, challenging and rebellious - sometimes even childlike, and I wouldn't change that for anything.  And I have beautiful blue eyes...

...just like my young son's.

Rites of Passage

Tomorrow my little girl (yes, I realize she's 15) is being baptized.

It's part of a decision that she made for herself.

I've really spent some time thinking about her life.  Since May, but in reality much longer.  The words I've shared and even sung about her will never capture her heart.  She's tentative at times, but I'm just waiting until she bursts out from that and blossoms forth into the person she already is inside.

So she made a choice.  I didn't push her into her beliefs.  And in reality, those beliefs are still being formed.  They will come from what she has already experienced, those she seeks wisdom from and mostly her own path.  That journey is one that I wouldn't trade anything to be even the smallest part of.  The voice inside her is strong, just not fully resounding yet.  Yet!

I am proud of her.

It makes me so emotional to think of them.  My three kids.  To watch each grow.  They will each have to find their own path to walk.

But tonight it's about my 'little girl'.  She is so special.  If you spend some time with her you'll know.  She's smart (though we still need to talk about grades!), sincere, mischievous, and beautiful.


Cambrey,

Take your place in this world.  Don't stand in anyone's shadow.  Embrace YOU!

...and never forget that you are loved.  Deeply by this old man who is slowly learning to let go of the 'little girl' and see the young woman that you are becoming.

I Love You.
Dad