Forgiveness

After 17 months, 518 days and 836 meetings, it comes down to forgiveness.

And that’s what today (court) is truly about.  I get to stand up and acknowledge not only the pain I felt deeply and lashed out on others without remorse, but also say to the little boy who doesn’t understand why Daddy’s not always present, “I’m sorry”.  

Not in words.  But in actions.  

In 17 months of living a different life.  

And I get to do one other thing.

I get to forgive myself.  

For the guilt and pain I’ve held onto.  The things I wish I could have done differently.  

Let it go.

There will be other hard days.  But each day I live in the Spirit (Romans 8) I can truly breathe.

So, here it goes…

“I forgive me.”

~ Peace

The Burtle

after tears and loss, 

each day I find

I'm still here, 

and I move on

til the end.

I do not know

how each day will go

but through tears,

through heartache

loss, hurt

I let it go

04/21/22

clc

pEEPS

Quite squishy on the inside,

Crusty outer shells.

Looks like neon vomit at times.

Filled with diabetic coma levels of sugar 

and a stomach ache ready to happen

Yep…

I’m talking about my friends - Bwahaha!!!

Community

Tribe

The people we choose to do life with.

Those who I chose to be:

Vulnerable 

Trusted

& Safe with.

And not just at Easter!

I love the term “the Communion of the Saints”.  It’s a term passed around in some of the more liturgical churches.  And though not part of my own upbringing, it has always meant something.  Us, we, coming together = not just in a church service, but in life.  Serving others without thought of reward or social media ‘likes’.  Jesus chose Twelve.  Many others chose Him.  Mary, Martha, Lazarus, the rich young ruler, Zacheus.  I’m not getting preachy, just the reality that Jesus was a man who walked among THE PEOPLE.  His Peeps were Low-lifes (prostitutes, gays, thieves, murderers), fishermen (working class), Tax collectors, The racially unaccepted… the list goes on people.  He really got ‘community’!

My peeps have changed in recent years, yet I know how important they are.  Some remain, some drift off, others come in.  But it's important that there are some who seem to always show up (and if you know me, that's the biggest deal.  Just show up!).

I’ve had to learn that We is much stronger than Me.  This extremely extroverted introvert shudders at that thought!!  You mean I have to open up, AGAIN, to others!  Haven’t I learned this lesson already?  Trust again?  Believe in others again?

Breathe…

It starts with a nod to god, a silent prayer that he’s got this.  All of us.  

“God, grant me the Serenity…”

No, there is no Easter Bunny coming to visit each of you this Sunday morning (wouldn’t that be creepy as Hell?!?!).  I’m not gonna leave a crappy marshmallowy, sugar-filled treat; they will just make your teeth hurt, your stomach sour.  I do want to give these few words.  So, if you’re reading this, whether it be a new friend or my deepest companions over the years, here they are…

I love you all.  Yes, ALL of you.

Deeply.

Damn Peeps!

~ Peace

The Burtle