Hope

I got triggered tonight at a meeting. Wasn’t expecting it and I wasn’t in a bad place, but it was definitely a slap in the face type reminder of the reality of life without hope.

Of the past.

It’s such an easy word to overlook. Hope. But yet it can center our beings to believing there might be something more, there might be something worth pushing through the hard, waiting for the miracle or just waiting for someone to say “hey, do you need to talk?”

What triggered me tonight was the memory of a time when I had no hope. Not even a sliver. I was cursing life, cursing those around me and cursing God. Also, I wasn’t taking responsibility for my own actions, but instead making my drama unfold in front of the world like an actor who just has to be the star of every scene.

And I was dangerous. Not to anyone else, but to myself.

You can’t see hope. You can’t bottle it. You can’t order it on Amazon and you damn well can’t produce it from a dry well.  I had nothing inside me that saw Hope.  I was pretty pathetic in that time actually.

Thankfully, that’s not the present. What I have now is an understanding that I’m not alone. Those hopeless feelings are never gone, but they are remedied daily by a good dose of prayer, people, and hell, just breathing and taking in the world around me.

I can see the beauty. I stop and take a lot of pictures of flowers, birds (when I can catch them), honeybees, butterflies, mountains… You name it, it’s important to me. Because those subtle reminders help me see that life continues on.  That I can breathe - and yes, I have to remind myself as well. (I know there are some of you that think I need to stop saying that damn word to you all the time!!).

Hope also stems from finding something that I truly believe in that is much bigger than myself. God. My higher power loves me and guides me.  Even when I’m drifting around like I feel like I’ve been recently, I know that God is always there.

And once or twice a day I also have a group of crazy, caring human beings that love me and show me that I’m important.  That I belong.

Rainy days, Mondays, sad days, days when the air conditioner goes out and it’s 85° in the house (that was this last weekend), all are easier to manage with a little hope. 

Like I said before, I can’t tell you how to find it. I just think it’s there ready for us when we’re ready. When we’re truly open to it. 

When we’re willing.

One step at a time. 

~ Peace

The Burtle

Another Man’s Shoes

“Everyone's got their own set of troubles

Everyone's got their own set of blues

Everyone's got their own set of struggles

Walk a mile in another man's shoes”

~ Drew Holcomb

Do we ever really know what’s going on in the mind and hearts of those around us?  Is there heartache, loss, fear, solace, happy anticipation, giddiness?

Is that kid that continually kicks the soccer ball next door going inside at dusk to an empty pantry and an empty stomach? What about the couple that are fighting - disillusionment in each other as their 9 month old just won’t sleep for more than an hour or so through the night?

How do we ever know what’s going on around us if we keep the visors on, our heads down, burying ourselves in our own troubles? It’s so incredibly easy to not engage. Me personally, I know that I can stop and talk to someone on the street, but that doesn’t mean I truly open up to what they are dealing with. And a lot of times I just don’t want to.

Love your neighbor. 

But do we even know our neighbors? 

I’ve been living on this side of Atlanta for about 10 months now. And I’ve walked this area pretty intensely. On my good weeks I walk several miles a day, watching and taking in everything around me. I can tell you what cars park at certain houses, I know where some of the kids that roam the neighborhood live or at least where they congregate when they’re about to get into trouble. And I know where the pretty rose garden is in front of that small house on the main strip. 

But I don’t really know the people. And this is my community. 

And then I have my other community - the groups that I attend that are so vulnerable and raw, so real. And even there it’s easy not to open up and get to know anyone past what they share when we’re all gathered.  But there comes a choice.

Do we really want to know? 

Do we want to know and do we want to walk a mile in another person‘s shoes? Do we want to take up their story and add it to our own, and do we want to invite them to be part of our lives? 

Selfishly, I often don’t. But I know I need community. There is something about being vulnerable that is scary as hell but it’s also honest, and when you find people who you can start to trust, you realize you’re not alone. And beyond that big dude upstairs (if you subscribe to that version of a ‘higher power, infinite being, spirit of the universe’), we need more people on our side down here :-) 

So maybe it’s time to open up just a little bit more. I’m not saying drop all your boundaries and throw yourself to the mighty winds of the universe. But I do think it’s important for me that I try to be open. Try to be available when I can. And try to get to know some of the people that are in my neighborhood.

My community.

~ Peace

The Burtle

Listen to this!!