No Hesitation

Scared...

Unsure...

Frightened...

Those three words have defined a large portion of my life.  They came on, not as a child that is afraid of the dark or nightmares, but through serious events that were left dormant for years.  Scars that I still see slowly fading today.  They were part of my reality and kept me from realizing all that was available in this life.

That changed in 2006.  Was given some serious tools to start dismantling the words above. 

Scared became Searching.

Unsure, enlightened.

Frightened became Hopeful...

But to even begin this process took stripping everything down once again to the basics. 

Life went from living in those three words of long ago into the Enlightened Search for Hope.  I went on that journey.  I had to change some perceptions that had haunted me for most of my life.  I had to basically begin again.

Beginning again isn't hard when you really have nothing.  Physical possessions - few.  Emotional attachments - few.  I ended up leaving a really hard relationship - walking away from more than I had to if I'd wanted a fight.  Just to get a fresh start.

But this time without letting ANYONE other than myself guide this process.  I didn't want to be influenced by anyone other than my own conscious.  Without Hesitation find MY OWN WAY!!

This is what I've always desired.  To be the author of my life - the one who writes the pages and gets to decide which turns I'll make. 

So even tonight, as I'm struggling with some of the Demons that haunt, I am not willing to give in fully.  Instead I'm up - writing them out - like I always do.