Letters: My First Love

My First Love

He had me from the moment he arrived.  Not just a child, but a Big Ole Baby Boy!  He came at a time of uncertainty and chaos for me personally, but he came.  He was there, this living, breathing monster – that wouldn’t sleep at night, wouldn’t settle down and it was evident pretty early on that there was an orangeish tint atop his head.

I struggled as a young dad.  Didn’t do a lot of things right.  But if I had any true part in putting this child on the planet – then I must have at least succeeded at that.  I’ve looked back on where I’ve truly felt unconditional love – where I’ve looked at another being and said “I Love You” without feeling the scars from my youth or the judgements that I felt from my world.  "I love you no matter what.  No matter where life takes you."

It was at this kid – now more a Man than Child, but still a boy inside.  That was the first time!

I look forward to finding more time with him.  I don’t want to be the one who looks back years later and regrets.  Well, I already have time that I regret being so far removed from him and his sister, but I’m working hard to let them know my heart.

To you son, I want you to know the depth of love that I carry deep inside.  I see you in my mind so many days and just want you to be YOU.  To be the person that you are – to become the man that I can’t wait to see you mature and grow into.  But I never want you to lose that spirit you have.  The mischievous grin and silly side.  Stand out like the shock of hair on your head.

You are my first love.  One of many loves now.

Cade.

3/31/15
clc