Intelligence is sexy.

It’s in a word.  A group of words strung together and then danced around in a simple dialogue that provokes… teases.  Eyes caught in the moment, but not just raw emotion, attraction.  That’s obvious.  But the back and forth.  The thirst for knowledge and voice with another.  Sitting for hours just listening.  Understanding.  Follow up with a memory that the other’s words draw out.  Or feel the need to ask a question to gain more understanding.  Not lost for topics, or intellectual sparks.  Realizing that this pulls you in as much as the deep eyes that sparkle.  Or the smile, the lips that you hope to taste.

And when it is there.  It’s so freakin’ awesome!

The world shows us beauty, found in a fashion model, a movie star, an ‘endorsable’ former athlete.  George Clooney (though I have a feeling he’s pretty smart).  The Kardashians (not so smart).  But even George Hamilton (long, long time ago) had to age eventually.  Tom Brady will one day fail as a quarterback and even his schoolboy good looks will be wrinkled, though probably still lusted over by many a man or woman.

Beyond that, there is something very deep about finding the beauty that lies within.  It is where the heart, soul reside and makes each of us unique and special.  And I have come to the further realization that when you find a deep conversation comes out of the blue and peaks your interest, you hang on to it, savoring the moments.  It’s intoxicating in a way.  To talk about more than just the menu or the beer selection.

And there are very different ways that intelligence is shown.  It can be street-smarts with a keen knowledge of how the city breathes, grows, similar to detective Kate Beckett on the show Castle.  She was intuitive, hardnosed and driven.  Or like a young Stevie Nicks, creatively deep and embracing an understanding of musical colors and rhythm, like swaying trees under a Harvest Moon.  Some can be Politically, Socially, Economically accomplished.  Yes, there is something very intoxicating about them all.  Or it can be someone who knows how to read others, guide them through hard times and help them focus.  

Common interests.

Listening.

Easy Communication.

Time shared and moments that linger.

All showing me again... 

Intelligence is sexy!

Shed

Everyone left.  Yet I still survive.  I have found that I have the annoying quality of surviving!  And now, I’m tired of just surviving.  I want to thrive.  I want the chance to shed old skin and focus on the road, the path ahead.

Shed skin.  Shed unhealthy relationships.  Shed unwarranted expectations.  Shed pounds.  Shed tears.

Shed the uncertainty that I have always struggled with.  So, I sat inside Decatur City Church today and the pastor was talking about fear.  And then he brought up Hebrews 11.  “By faith Noah.… By faith Sarah…” 

By Faith Chad?

Hebrews 11:1
“...faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.”

I hope.  I desperately want, but maybe I should just know.  Know that there will be someone who will come beside me.  Hell, there already is.  But it’s not a person.  It’s a being much bigger and much stronger than me.

My own personal faith is the only thing that has always been here beside me.  Sometimes pulling me a little bit along, other times pushing, but never taking over.  More guiding, trying to just help direct the way.

Maybe it’s time.

Without fear.  

Recklessly seeking.

Permission to do it on my terms,  not anyone else’s.

Irreverently Relevant.

Finding home.

I wait

I stand on the mountain top.  Eyes searching until my view drops off into the horizon.  I’m still looking.  Still searching.  Not for my faith, my father. Those I have found and they resonate, but for one person.  I come up here to breathe, to collect my thoughts, away from the world.  But I also know that here I am at my most vulnerable.  Here is where I am fully aware of just how small I really am, as I look below.  And though I’m not lonely, here is where I know how alone I truly am.

I stand still, listening to the breeze carried over the pines, the softwoods of the Appalachians.  I smell the air crisp with a hint of autumn’s arrival.  I wait.  I’ve been here before.  It’s where I go to heal.  And I’ve needed quite a healing this time.  This time I let my heart be totally exposed.  And (she) just about killed me.  But I still know I had to try.  To find myself opening up is the scariest thing I can do, yet I do.  I do willingly and often.  Though not to the depth that 2013 allowed.

Will you come?  I sincerely hope so.  I will wait for you.  I long for you.  I don’t know your face or your name, but my heart will know.  Even when it becomes bogged down with all that surrounds me, I know that it will know when you arrive.  I just hope that I am still standing.  Amongst the verdant hillside.  Atop a place that gives me breath enough to say “hello”.