to settle.

There is a fire that burns within each of us.  It first comes out as oxygen touches our throats and the roar of breath escapes our lungs.  At that moment there is nothing except the need to live, to scream, to never let anything hinder us.  There was silence and fluid and the cacophony of rhythm and sound that enveloped us, and we just wanted out.  To find the light we could barely imagine, and to suck on the marrow of what we knew had to come.  LIFE>!

We’re born to rise.  To walk.  To taste the first suckle of mother’s milk.  We crawl, then wobble, walk, then dance!  Never does it cross a baby’s mind that there is any less than the next hurdle.  I sat and watched all three of mine take those first steps.  I’ve seen two of them grow to near adulthood.  One still searching for the right direction and the other knowing where she wants to go, but not quite sure of the right path and how to get there.  I’ve seen the independent mind of my youngest as he questions everything.  “Why does this work?  What does that do?”

We were designed, yes, I said designed to create, to write, draw, sing, compute, add, subtract, multiply (in many ways!).  Even in the worst of circumstance, we can find light, hope, hum a tune, laughter.  We build skyscrapers and fly airplanes.  We have the ability to open hearts and motivate minds.  We can dream.

But what about the first time we give our dreams away?  What about when we take the easier path, or just decide to opt out of choosing, to sit and be complacent in our decisions.  When we settle.

I have been a fighter my entire life.  I have stood, even when those around me don’t realize it, and faced every foe that has attacked me from the age of 7 on.  But I’ve also settled for mediocracy instead of thriving.  I’ve licked my wounds from those battles while being less than what I was designed to be.  It’s easy to blame the past for not moving into the future, but to not even embrace the present?  Come on Chad, you’re better than that!!

I will not settle.

I’ve seen a good friend go back to the life she swore she’d never chose just for a comfortable arm around her neck and a strong form to lean on.

My last relationship was marred with the shadows of a former life.  Choosing a dead man over the living.  Stuck. 

Another friend is finding her way beyond fear and hurt towards a new footing on the unsettled ground of being alone.  It’s a hard path, but one that means leaving the codependency of the past and finding a new resolve in each day’s present.

I’ve met many people over the last year or so.  Many that I thought highly of.  Some with great potential. But there has always been some trait or habit, a way that we didn’t mesh, a belief, distance, something that made it a no.  And though there were a couple who absolutely made me smile, happy for a moment, thinking beyond just a date or two…I’m not willing to settle for less than spectacular.  For me.

Tonight, I sat for the second time with someone who has not only taken my breath, but also opened my eyes a little further to the truth.  I don’t have to settle.  There is a path and I am on it, with purpose and direction.  Will we walk far down this road?  I have no clue.  Though hopeful.  But beyond her, there is the truth that I am not done.  The obstacles and hurdles I’ve faced, as well as the ones to come are part of this journey.

I will not settle.

Like the newborn who sucks at the air and cries at the top of their lungs to be heard, to be seen, to be acknowledged.  I’m gonna make some noise!  I’m going to be… me.

Don’t settle.  In your work.  In your home, with your family.  Make deep, beautiful relationships that last.  Friendships that matter.  Create.  Breathe.  Dream.

Don’t leave this life unresolved.  Don’t settle.