“SHE’S NAKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
And all the sudden, every teenaged boy (and girl) in the auditorium on Jekyll Island was fully awake and alert. Some of us more than others. All to just get our attention. The camp director was about to talk about ‘biblical relationships’. And though most of what he said floated through the opposite ear, I will never forget his introduction to the topic.
Now as an adult, here’s a thought…
Let’s get Naked and Afraid!
Vulnerable. Fearful. Exposed. Real.
“Rend your heart and not your garments”, Joel 2:13. I’m not talking about taking everything off and surviving. Or am I? To drop walls and open up to any other person means to strip down to what’s beneath. What’s at the core of who we are. And for me, that is a place that only a few know. I am often an island, but for good reason. I’ve learned how to survive. To pack my gear, to overplan, to prep and to figure out the best way to tackle the ‘scenario’, the trail, the next adventure. And I pull on the appropriate layering system of down, wool, synthetics to cover me and provide the best protection.
But to be naked to someone, to be open… that’s F*cking crazy. That’s FRIGHTENING>!
What I’d like to do is to rest. To find myself so comfortable with someone that I just don’t need to plan. That it just comes easy. That the moments aren’t spent in debate, but in laughter. The time slips by because there’s not enough, and I just look forward to the next time. Less is more. Less complication. Less misunderstanding. Less stress over what works. I find this often with my friends Nate and Maegen (though often there are shenanigans as well), and other dear friends that it just comes easy with. But not romantically.
I think it will happen one day. I think there’s still hope. But to get there. Well, gotta take down some walls. Lower some defenses. Be willing to, well, be hurt. Yes, I said it. I have to be willing to be hurt. And that’s some seriously scary Sh!t. I don’t want to let someone hurt me. But I also don’t want to be alone forever. So, there is an understanding that I’ll get hurt. And please don’t be one of those that says “I’ll never hurt you”. Don’t say that to your loved ones. Don’t say it to your friends, your family. Don’t say it to your dog!
Be honest. “Hey, I can promise you ONE thing. I’ll hurt you. But I will do everything in my power NOT to intentionally hurt you.” Doesn’t that take some pressure off? To recognize our feeble nature and to acknowledge it and own it. We’re going to hurt each other. It’s the communicating our feelings, listening to each other, and owning our actions that help to mend those wounds. And yes, that is another place that means we have to get open (naked) and really vulnerable (afraid).
Otherwise, I build myself a tall, tall castle. One with a single room. No outside communication. No real connection to the outside world other than a view from a distance. Safe. Secure. ALONE. I’ve thought about this choice. Actually spent some serious time debating its merits and even though it is very tempting at times, even recently, it’s just not how we were built. Of course I need my space. I’m an extroverted introvert, but I still need special people. Those who warm me and melt the walls inside.
So, when the time is right. I’m here. I’ll start to let down those walls a little more. Take off a layer or two of protection.
Get NAKED.
And not be (too) AFRAID.
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