Yo! What if...
What if we boasted about our weaknesses? Not trying to get sympathy, but realizing that the things that make us weak, make us cling to the ideal, the notion of a God that is beyond our physical grasp, yet close enough to feel his presence. I am no saint. Quite honestly, I’m one of the ragamuffins - rebellious faith fanatics that want to live disparately, clinging to the reality of this world while praying, conversing, even openly scoffing the father we so desperately love. Naked and afraid and powerfully drawn to the truth in his spirit, his scriptures and in his call to suffer for what we truly believe. Mind you I’m not looking forward to ending upside down on a cross, but I am content with knowing that the one thing I always, without doubt cling to is him.
Not religion, family, not riches, not fame or notoriety. Just breath, hope, faith, love. I am resolved to be me, sometimes brutally honest, often times foul mouthed (we should let our kids explore cursing. They’ll get tired of it. After holding back from that your entire life, when you start doing it later it just doesn’t go away easily LOL), deeply devoted to those I love, crazy about one, and never willing to let myself drift too far from the only arms that have always been there - felt or not.
But an honest life is not without checks and balances. Paul has his ‘thorn in his flesh’ - sounds rather gruesome to me - and I have my own. You know what, if God hadn’t allowed me to find him in the midst of being a kid in the suffocating environment of the church, really find him amidst struggling with abuse and then depression, I’d be dead in a ditch. True story.
When I wail and cry from not understanding why my life just sucks sometimes, I realize I’m forgetting the truth. I’ve seen god. I know his voice and I know his touch. One day I might even be brave enough to put that story to paper. He is real, and those who have felt those gentle nudges or grand rescues that only he still can make happen know (miracles still happen). And I don’t really care what you call your God. I can only speak for my God. In the midst of a week where some major doors have been opened, some hope is being poured out, I’m reminded that there are still those that seek ‘God in a box’. Trying to limit the unlimited – WTF is that about?!
Now I’m never going to side with those who think life is all gonna be 'happy'. Nor do I want to become the token abused, depressed little boy on the prayer list. We all have to find our truth. I’ve found mine. And I will gladly sit and talk openly and honestly with anyone who wants to hear about it. But if you just want me to follow your rules and your rights of passage, go to hell. You may already be going there. I’m still striving for heaven. Whatever the hell that is?!?
Faith is believing without being able to totally touch and hold something. I’m not 100% sure of what’s coming next. Kind of OK with that. Isn’t it remarkable to think that we can just take each moment, savor and live?
So I’ve got bruises. Some have said that I am ‘messed up’. And you know what, I want to be in a world with a bunch of messed up people. I’ll take messed up any day over those who lack compassion for those of us who really dwell in this place. And I hope my words, even when they’re blunt, speak truth in love. I’m gonna keep on finding my path. I pray a lot. Well, sometimes I should pray more, but I try to listen - be still and center my being into where I need to be.
Hey dude upstairs,
I love you.
Your pain-in-the-ass kiddo down here.
“Even if I should choose to boast, I would not be a fool, because I would be speaking the truth. But I refrain, so no one will think more of me than is warranted by what I do or say, or because of these surpassingly great revelations. Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
2 Corinthians 12:6-10
Very powerful message. I think we are all messed up in our own way. Some are just afraid to show it. Sometimes I wear it like a badge of courage on my sleeve to remind me that I am stronger than I think.
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