White Horse

*Writing this one on the road, so we’ll see where it goes!*

White Horse

Ideal: 

I believe there is an ideal in most of our eyes. Built from childhood, imagination, what our fathers are or are not, what we would like to be or like to see ourselves be.

Maybe it’s built on the picket fence pseudo-perfect suburban lifestyle, or wandering cityscapes that tower above us. But I’m more referring to our own personal ideal. How we want to be perceived and seen to the world. And if you have a spiritual belief, how you want to be seen in the eyes of God. 

I think my first ideal was Luke Skywalker. Fictional fantasy that got me through some very hard years. Yes, at eight years old there were fucking hard years :-) I was allowed to weather them and honestly don’t know that would be here without a ragtag band of rebels trying to face the dark, evil empire.

And it grew and morphed over the years, that whole white horse, shining armor syndrome that no one can really live up to. 

The Six Million Dollar Man

Indiana Jones

Superman (like, “I’m Batman!)

Flash Gordon

The Lone Ranger

But maybe we can? Maybe there’s a point in life where you can be the knight on the majestic steed. Just maybe not quite as polished, with some tarnish, some dirt, light grey horse with miles under its hooves.

Maybe it’s finding that perfect ideal for you. Not one made by man, by religion, by societal ‘norms’. But one set by faith, direction, listening to something bigger in the universe. Maybe it is about showing up. Knowing that you’re gonna do your damnedest, even when it sucks. That you’re going to face the storm, kind of like a buffalo. And at the end of the day, no matter what anyone fucking says, you know that you followed your heart, your passions, your love, your God. 

That’s what I’m working on. And I don’t always do it well. But I do it. Every day. I’m still working on me, and I see an ideal. A little mix of Mark twain and Rhett Butler, with some Bill Murray thrown in. Kind of a funky mix, right? :-)

About a year and a half ago, I made a list with my counselor about what I wanted in a partner. It’s been very effective, especially in recent weeks (different story for a different day!). But there’s also a list I needed to make of who I really am. Not necessarily hope or dreams, but who am I? What do I want to be? Not what my father told me I should be. Don’t get me wrong, I love my father, and I think we’re a lot closer aligned in many things than we might realize. But this is my journey - my time to show who I am to my kids, my family, my friends, at work, and hopefully to someone special. ;)

The ideal, idealistic, passionate, prodding, stubborn, quite lovable man I am.

Got to go find my jack ass… Cause that’s what I’m gonna ride… Or maybe a unicorn :-) 

~ Peace

The Burtle