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“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. Courage to change the things I can. And the wisdom to know the difference”

I’ve heard and said that prayer easily over 1000 times now. Simple guidance toward peace.

Tomorrow is four years. If you know me, you know what that means. And I’m very, very thankful. There are so many verses in scripture that describe getting out of the muck and the mire, or him lifting you and putting you on a rock, all those things…  Quite simply, He saved my ass. And my soul!

If you asked me four years ago what was important, I think the list would look so much different than it does today.  No, I know it would. 

The list today:

Safety, security, serenity, hell, even sanity! 

Before then I had none of those. Everything was a mess. Every day. 

I was a mess.

And honestly, I’m still a mess… Ask my sponsor (bless his heart!), my adopted mom, ask those who really know me. But it’s a fun mess… One that actually cares about what’s coming next and wants to do the best he can in this life. For me… Not for anyone else. 

I’m so blessed to be here breathing!!

I still have struggles, and I still have a whole lot of just ‘life’. I’m going to be working on that for the rest of my life. This last weekend has been no exception to that. Highs and lows that are part of this journey. Some moments of true joy and also a moment when I cried my eyes out to my sponsor on the phone.

I’m thankful I get to do that! Work on me and try to be loving and kind of those around me. AND to be loving and kind to myself. That took a long time to understand! (Still a struggle if I’m honest)

So if you know me, thank you for being part of this. Because I COULD NOT DO THIS without all of you. I thought about doing a list of everyone who’s been a part, but it’s just a mountain of people that God has placed in my path.

Thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you!

For being part of this journey…

One day at a time.

~ Peace

The Burtle

Hero

I’ve probably spent too much time in my past reading, studying and thinking about the Hero’s Journey. Something Joseph Campbell put together in his books about society and culture from history, myths to science fiction to real life. There’s a hero’s journey that most of us go on, some more epic than others, but there is this quest that takes us through our darkest parts into the light. Luke Skywalker, Jesus, Moses, and so many of the fables from our past. Most action and adventure movies have a version of this (think Thor in Avengers:Endgame)

I know I’ve written blogs before about my own journey, but that isn’t my focus right now. The truth is, sometimes our Hero is that person who’s just there all the time.

My nine-year-old son was asked to write a 5 to 6 sentence paragraph to explain who his hero was. I was excited when he told me that was the topic for the week. 

“Who did you write about?”

“I chose my mom.”

And for a fleeting moment my heart sunk. I think every father wants to think their son considers them their hero.

It hurt. Really hurt.

But the truth? He picked the right person. I’m not her biggest fan, but if I look at the situation from outside of my own emotions, even with all of our past, which there’s a lot, she has been the constant in his life, and I thank her for being a good mom.

I could easily be bitter, and of course I’m a little hurt. But I’m thankful to have the relationship I do have with him. Because four years ago I squandered that away. I didn’t care. About him or about myself. About anything.

Every day I thank God for my kids, this life, my sobriety. Yes, I’m sober (4 years in 7 days). And it gave me back time with my kids that I would not have had otherwise. My hero gave…

As for my 9 year old - 

He Didn’t pick me. 

But I pick him.

And I love him everyday.

~ Peace

The Burtle

Finding Nemo, well actually just Finding Ourselves

Ever been lost in the woods? Deep, dark forest with no reprieve of moonlight or star shine.

It gets pretty damn cold and damp - like soul sucking dark there.  It can be a scary place.

Sometimes that’s where my soul wants to roam off to.  I don’t always know why, but it does.  Maybe it’s my past calling to distract the healthier man I’ve become.  Who knows?

Being lost sucks.  There is a searching to find ourselves. No matter where we are there’s a moment when we realize that we’re lost, that we’ve become someone else.  Some stranger - possibly like Mike Meyers or Jason Voorhees (hopefully not QUITE like those characters!).  

We need to look down, look around and start seeing the person who we really are inside. It may be a long journey or maybe something that comes rather quickly. But we get to do this. We get to find ourselves (who we truly are), what makes us tick, makes us smile and also what makes us cry. Then we get to put all those things together in one beautiful package that’s really not about the outward looks, but what’s inside… 

And that’s where the glow comes from. It does show on our outside, but it starts with that little spark inside our heart.

And in that searching, in that finding we’ll start finding more of the light.

Let your TRUE LIGHT SHINE!

~ Peace 

The Burtle

Thanks RC for the words and thoughts!