Two Men...

Two men meet in a corner bar

Both on the road, now sharing a beer, telling where they are

Seems like they’ve met somewhere before

Along the road some place, but neither one is sure

Both are tall, they both like to smile

But somewhere underneath is a sadness since they were a child

They talk a while, bout life and it seems

They’ve walked so many of the same old roads, almost seems a dream

Getting late, one stands to leave

The other takes him by the arm, ‘hey, just one more.  It’s on me’

Seems like those same old roads they’ve gone

Are a little different, and the one just wants to give a word before

They both part, and in the night make their way home

It’s a little cold, rainy still, and they shake hands – then they’re gone

One eases down the street – heads in the door

Where she waits, as lovely as ever – and he kisses her and more

The other smiles, his spirit lingers still

A whisper of the past – looking through the window sill

He’s been here all along.

And now he can rest, because he knows that she’s found home…

…again.

  

7/23/13

clc

In retrospect, I see that the significance of this is greater than I even thought a month ago.  There is a bond that can be found even with those that have gone on before us.  The life that we've lived can echo, even mirror their own.  I have found this many times with Brett.  

Though we never met, I have a sense of him - an understanding of the life he lived and the struggles that he faced.  I wish he were here today to meet for real, but he did leave me a place.  A place I've come into and found the tide of pain subsiding and the life that he couldn't find for himself being hopefully healed a little.  It takes time.  I don't ever expect to replace him, but I know that the hopes he couldn't see are ones that I've fought for myself throughout my life.  So part of today, this next week, my future will be in some ways in honor of a soul that I know oh, so well.

I hope that you've found peace on the other side.  I hope that you FLY!  I hope that you see something beautiful and bright in the place you made - a place that I will spend my life honoring and protecting.

So there's my heart - to love this beautiful woman that I've found touches deep inside me in so many ways.  And to be aware that through ALL life's struggles that there are avenues of HOPE - of PEACE - of JOY!

In Honor of William Brett Shanley - 1973-2012

Chad

Live this life...

I know I may come across sometimes a sappy or emotional.  But I'm a stronger man than I ever thought I'd be.  I've fallen, been beaten and left as an outcast.  Felt like I was the 'grey' SHEEP my entire life until recently.

But I don't give up.  It often amazes me at my own capacity for moving forward even amidst the trials.  Oh, I suck real bad at times, but there is an innate desire to continue forward.  Even when covered in shit!

There is less and less of that.  I'm fine tuning now.  If you really know me maybe you've seen some of this movement. 

So if you're down, get up! 

LAUGH!!!

If you're hurting, scream LOUD and let it go!

Sometimes we need help, and sometimes the only way we let go is to reach out to someone who can understand.

Whatever you do, don't lose sight of the horizon or miss a moment of today!

LIVE this life!

What Matters Most

If today were your last...

...what would matter most?

Your job,

Your car,

Your house or the upcoming trip you have planned to Cancun?


What really gives you peace?

Who do you think about right now as you're reading this?

The Pharaoh's believed that they could take this world with them to the next.  But I think that the museums that house their treasures are smiling at that myth.

I know what matters most to me.  It's memories of special people and specific events in my life.  It's the reality I've seen...

If today were my last, I'd smile knowing that I'd found love.  And she is incredible.  Something I never expected.  And I have two super kids that are growing and becoming a young man and lady.  Friends that are real and enrich my days.  I've lived the past year with less and less regrets over my past.  I've become more the man I always wanted to be.

So what matters most?  

Love.  
Family.
Friends.

Hope and Dreams all mean more when they come alive in your life.


So you...

You know who you are!!!

I am so blessed.

FEAR

If you live in fear.  You live by FEAR.

I've lived that way.  And honestly it's something that I first learned from the religion that I was raised in.  The religion I knew early on was tainted.  I knew that the people that practiced it were good people, but there was also the judgements and human element that leaned more toward doing things because you should 'fear' the consequences.   It also came from having to hide things from my childhood.  Fear of the past.

But that same fear bled through to my life.  When it came time to build relationships, they were rooted in expectations and consequences.  Not love or acceptance.

Some would say that I'm lashing out at the 'church'.  I'm really not.  This is my perspective.  You have to decide if you agree or not.

I know that all of my relational decisions up until recently had strands that led back to the religion that I was told to believe.  Yes, TOLD to believe.  It wasn't until recently that I felt I had a choice in my beliefs.  Really?!  I'm 41 and I'm finally realizing that I have a choice.  Hmmm.  Something doesn't sound quite right with that.   But that's a blog for another day....

So as I started dating in high school, college - it was fear based.  Fear that I had to fit some mold or some design to have someone truly love me.  Well I will tell you were that has gotten me.  Two very bad marriages.  A lot of heartache and some pretty long nights questioning why I always failed.  

But now I'm at a much different place.  And the person who I love is having to see me working through these misconceptions and untruths.  I'm still breaking down walls of fear and uncertainty.  Tonight has been quite a struggle with that.  But as I have told myself... one step at a time.

I'm still raw at times with my emotions when it comes to this.  I don't know what to do with the junk at times other than to share it with those I trust and move through it.  I'm not going to just push it aside.  It has to be dealt with.

My trust and hope has grown, and I'm seeing the fear subside.  It's a slow process at times, but I know that it will be worth it.

Tonight may be hard, but tomorrow, well that's another day!