Matthew 10:34
A sword or possibly a Callahan Brake Pad?!
Have you seen the movie? Please say yes. It’s one of those stupidly funny SNL spinoffs that defined a generation of comedy that we may never have again. And it also is a pretty good life lesson, if you can get through the slapstick, fat guy in a little coat, Rob Lowe destroying humor.
God I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but I want to be a little more like Tommy.
In April of this year I made a decision to live the most authentic life I could live. Not by anyone else’s standards, but by the truth that I believe inside me.
And...
I failed.
I cracked and lost. Realized that it wasn’t as simple as putting words on a page and believing that those plans will happen. That in my moxie I left out the ‘how'. I forgot reality for just a moment, a couple of months actually and found myself struggling much like before. The plan was grand and glorious, but also misconceived and flawed. Full of holes. I had let emotion and the need to prove I was more than a traveling tuba salesman drive my attempted future.
So yes, I have failed.
If I wanted to make everything rosy and palatable. Wrapped up like the bows on so many gifts under trees at this time of year, I could write this in a very different way. I’m sure I could convince myself and some of you reading (all 4 of you) that this was a minor setback. A bump in the road.
It’s not. I am back to beyond step one. First and 45 in football vernacular.
Instead of blowing smoke up your ass, I have to be real. Authentic means that it’s sometimes, maybe often times messy (remember the verse at the top - sword over peace). One thing that I realize, I am so thankful for the faith that I have. But even that gets whitewashed so many times. I see many trying to make it seem as if faith gives us privilege, or we’re to “give it to God” and everything will be alright. Well guess what? I am alright. I’m not defeated, just down. And even if I don’t make it to where I hoped I would go, accomplish all that I hoped to, I know that my beliefs are there. And they are Master Yoda strong, not fickle like Luke’s so often were.
But what does all this mean?
It means tomorrow I get up. I face the tasks at hand. This week I have several hard conversations that need to be had. I’ve got some plans to reconsider, and I’ve got to work. I always work. I’m not sure the outcome, but I am going to be real. Be authentic to me.
I’m not sure exactly where all this is going to lead, and I’m not scared in that. I mean I don’t want to end up living in a “van down by the river”, but I’ll take where I’m led.
I went hiking for the first time in almost a month this last Thursday. Then again on Saturday. I need that. I hear the spirit there. My mind clears, and the aches I feel are not the sickness that seems to continue to grip me, but aches of sore muscles that have been yearning to be out there. It hurt on the uphills. Just like it hurts right now to know that I’ve got to go back up. But I can’t stay where I’m at.
So if you have the ability, take the place you’re in - Find your faith. Find solace in you. Who you were made to be. And don’t rest in the complacency of our times. We were made for so much more than streaming movies and video games, waiting on amazon packages and living lackluster lives.
And when you fail. When life really sucks. Just remember that those times are just seasons. Valleys on the way to trails moving through the mountains.
Do I regret the decision to be more authentic? No. It was the first taste of truth and 'belief in me' that I’ve had in such a long time. And I’d rather be right than doing things for society’s “right reasons”.
So, I’ve failed. Now I just have to get up.
No comments:
Post a Comment