The Wonder of Not Knowing

I’ve got a friend, I’d almost say brother.  We met at a time when both of us were working on getting healthy.  What I didn’t know is that he was battling much more than substances or other issues, he was battling with Life.

It’s definitely put my life in perspective. On my worst day I’m in pretty decent health.  I’ve got a job and good people around me, and so far I haven’t had a major health challenge and I’m facing my mortality relatively well.  I’m SURE I still do stupid stuff that could push me closer to facing that, but I’m not looking at death square in the eyes every day.

I love this man. He’s a good guy. A little rough around the edges and definitely a hell of a curmudgeon, but that’s what makes him who he is. I am just glad to call him friend. 

What he’s facing (what we all ultimately face) made me think. It made me angry. It’s made me question. Other than facing death, what is there really to fear? I’m not saying that facing death has to be fearful, but that may be the one thing that there’s a little tinge of ‘what if’ to.  At least in my mind.

At everything else there is a wonder in the not knowing. There is beauty in a surprise. There is heightened anticipation and a stirring that comes from having to wait and not even knowing what the outcome is going to be. 

Baseball season just started and it is one of the most brutal trudges in the world. It’s long people! So many games and it’s just a battle (and yes, some of you will say it’s boring… But it damn well isn’t boring to me!) and I love it.  I have no clue what’s gonna happen from the first pitch to the seventh inning to the ninth. And yet I still check every night to see what the scores were, sometimes watching a couple of videos - just keeping up. I don’t live my life around it but I do love the sport. And it is one of those arenas where you just don’t know. There are teams that spend close to $300 million each season to have the best team in the world, yet they still don’t win it all. And there are teams that don’t spend much that actually compete. Not the Oakland A’s, they just suck - but that’s more about management and ownership and political factions in a city that seems to be wilting away.

I love the fact that I don’t know what Life is going to bring. It’s one of the joys I find in life. I don’t like to plan too heavily. I do like to plan, but hell, my plan’s going to change. And that’s okay.

There was a point in life when I just couldn’t handle that. And then I changed my mind lol. 

I don’t know what you’re facing, I don’t know what is bugging you or what the big looming decision in your life is, but I do know that it’s okay to not know.  I don’t have any answers for you. 

Because I don’t know. And that is the wonder of it. 

We get to live it. Good, bad and ugly. 

We get to live! For just a little while…

Oh, and Kent… You’re a good man. We all love you!  I know I do.

~ Peace

The Burtle