Happy F#-ing Holidays

A friend just called.

Her kid’s dad decided to leave this life last night.

Happy F#-ing Holidays.

How do you tell the girls? What the fuck can you really say?

I sat in a hospital room years ago, pondering how I’d explain.  I’m a survivor of a failed attempt.  And I’ll tell you what, you start by being real damn honest.

I met him once, exchanging maybe two words.  I wouldn’t have known he dealt with any type of depression.  Who really ever knows?

But don’t wait until this.  It’s not about “what would that do to your kids?” or “think about those you’d leave behind”.

For Someone struggling with depression, one of the darkest secrets is that they CANNOT think about any of it.  Life is too much.  Why the hell do you think any of us would even contemplate it if we could think straight.

“they’d be better off without me” or “I just can’t keep hurting them”, “I can’t tell them this <big, dark secret>”.

We have to start being honest.  With those around us, and with those we love.  With ourselves.  And fuck it – get some help!!  There’s no shame, and if someone shames you, I’ll go get my Louisville Slugger and help them with a paradigm shift.  We lose people every day.  And sometimes, like today, it hits a little too close to home.

The Holidays are hardest.  Time alone, or time around extended family trying to be happy.  It’s not Christmas Carols, gifts and holiday feasts to everyone.  We hide in plain sight.  We eat our share of stuffing and then we go home and contemplate things that many don’t understand or want to know.  But if you want true, authentic relationship – well, those are often dirty.  They come with a lot of anxiety, depression, PTSDs, Trauma, addictions, and so on.

If you know someone, and yes, I have a group that still checks on me at certain times even though it’s been almost ten years, love on them.  Talk to them.  Annoy the ever-loving shit out of them.  You won’t change their mindset or keep them from deciding, but you might show them love.  And we need a whole lot more of that. 

I pray for his family.  I’m not angry at him.  I’m sad.  The ones left behind may never fully understand.  He didn’t do this to hurt any of you.  

He was lost.  

And just didn’t know the way back home.

Jingle Fucking Bells, Ho Ho NO.

Note:

I’ve been told over the years, “they should just have prayed it out” or “if they’d only given it to Jesus”.  This is a fallacy.  We’re imperfect creatures in a more imperfect world.  Depression kills even the believers, the good, those full of life.  So please don’t judge harshly those of us who reached bottom.  When you’re in that place there’s no logic, reason or belief that anything will help, not even God.  Please take it from one who was rescued by God in his weakest moment.

Peace to us all.

Chad