Would You Still?

If you knew that it would be hard.  If every day would be a struggle to get to work, to feed the family, to find clean underwear, to get homework done, to pay the bills, to find time to take a decent poop, would you still?

And that’s just the ‘normal’ (what the F*ck is normal anyway?!).

What if things really got hard?  

What if you went into it knowing that your heart would be broken?  That he’d stop being as funny, as light-hearted?  That those so-called dreams would fade into nights sleeping like long shadows cast across separate sides of the bed?  That intimacy would be replaced with imitation of the days you had once shared?

And then…

What if it REALLY got hard?

Sickness comes and won’t let go.  Age and ailments collide, and you’re left holding the hand of someone who looks the part, but who’s eyes are those of a stranger.  And you watch and you wait.  Time doesn’t stand still – it races forward, and you find yourself a helpless observer as life plummets closer and closer to death.  

Would you still?

I’d understand if you said no.  Who wants to live in the fear of knowing something tragic is right around the corner?  That relationships and reality are going to hurt and gouge at the deepest parts of your heart?

But…

That’s what we do.  Every.  Day.

If you live, breathe, feel at all you know that life isn’t about being happy.  Life is about finding more.  It’s about taking each day that’s handed you and finding the peace and solace that can only come in realizing a greater purpose.  In one thing we can be sure.  We are going to leave here one day, and along the way it’s how we face those seasons of doubt, suffering, pain, hurt, that will define us more than accumulating ‘prosperity’ in worldly stuff or “Be Happy” doctrine.

I have lived rather shallow.  I’ve never had the deep relationship that I have always known I was made for.  But I will tell each and every one of you this…

If you have one of those loves, protect it.  Cherish it.  Serve it.  

We will hurt each other.  I’ve said that for a long time.  If you want to be in relationship, true, deeper relationship, then you’re gonna hurt.  You’re gonna sting each other.  You’re gonna say the wrong words, do something terrible and just be an all fire A$$ (that’s mine!).  And in today’s world you just quit.  It gets hard and we bail.  Say it’s over, file the right papers and 3-6 months later it’s a fresh start.  

I’ve done it.  Had my reasons.  I’m not going to bash on divorce.  Life is f*c%ing hard.

So…

I’m embarking on a journey.  Learning to let go of the way I want things; I’m praying and hoping for everything I started this blog with.  Hard, disappointing, hurting, real.

How can we be committed to someone only in the good times?  What happens when they get sick?  When they actually say the words that scathe you?  When they become distant?  Would you still?

What if the answer was “Yes, I will”?

I am 100% sure that there will be bad days.  Seasons of hard.  Storms and the quiet that comes as each is trying to find words or safety.  Tears.  Regrouping (hopefully). 

If given the opportunity, and someone comes along that you just know that God has landed in your path, beyond the romance, beyond the fun times and the laughter – DO.  NOT.  LET.  THEM.  GO. 

Laugh with them.

Cry with them.

Hurt with them.

Care for them.

Lay with them.

Weep for them.

Share with them.

Pray with them.

I’ll hold your hand.  I’ll sing to you.  I’ll apologize.  I’ll listen.  I’ll shed tears when you’re in pain.  I’ll fight for this.  I’ll share my innermost thoughts.  I’ll be here.  I’ll show up.

Someday.