WRESTLING!

it's 2:15 am.  I just can't deal with things during 'regular' hours can I?

How many more cherishable moments do we have?

I love the Tim McGraw song "Live Like You Were Dying", and I've even blogged about it in the past.  But here's the deal.  To hold to the ideal of being BOLD enough to live that way and ACTUALLY living it are two separate actions.  The philosophy of living in those moments is not the same as taking action to fulfill them.

So I'm wrestling.

I have some hard decisions to make.  I can't resign myself to less than what makes me whole.

There is a spiritual side of me that is yearning for something more.  A peace that just won't come until I open that last door and see what's behind Curtain Number 3.

A voice keeps screaming, but it's the cheerleader inside my head urging me to not quit on this.  And it goes into other areas as well - giving me 'rah, rah' attempts at pushing me toward MORE!

I can't pretend that things are the same.  I'm finding more of myself again, but it always seems to come with a cost.  So instead of facing the pain and realizing some great truth, I want to hide in what was comfortable and  just try and keep things as they are.  Maybe somewhat as the ostrich with their head in the sand.

The clock is ticking.  I'm turning 41 this week.  It's been such a roller coaster of a life and I don't see the last hill just yet, but maybe that's the way it's supposed to be?  I just know that I don't want to miss anything.  I don't want to look back and realize that I wasn't attentive to a decision that had to be made.

I want to cherish what I have left.  

I think there's so much left to write, to live, to experience!