Walk

it's been six weeks since I laced up a pair of boots.

injury doesn't help when it's your spirit and your sanity that's found out there on the trail.

Today I'm struggling.  I don't like writing when I don't have a nice way to wrap up the post at the end, but I just know that have to be real.

I want to walk. 

Not just up a trail in the mountains.  I want to walk away.

The figure walking off into the horizon.  

I'm done.  

I just don't know how to keep pushing and fighting with so much gunk being piled in front of me.  How do you keep being positive with a bum leg?  or a bum spirit?

"Every day is an adventure" - well for the last week or so every day has been a struggle.

And I've faced it.  Looked it in the face and tried to stay the course.  But I'm tired.

Just want to leave everything behind and go.

41 and I'm sad.  I'm torn with decisions that I know need to be made.  I didn't even attempt to make the bed this morning. LOL  Like a made bed is going to be some way of fighting away the demons that wrangle my thoughts and make me just feel shitty.

I've faced this fight many times.

I know that there isn't a magic pill or a way to just move around it, but I pray for that.  And for those of you who are going to worry about certain things from my past.  DON'T! 

I just want to walk.  To feel the breath in my lungs that helps me to live.

I don't want sympathy.  Just want to be clear that there are some days that just suck.

Walk away and see the sunset.   To feel the day ending.  Maybe these hard days will end as well.